Remind to Be Kind

 As I sit here watching The Biggest Loser (which I love), I remind myself that even with the struggles the last couple of months I have worked so very hard, accomplished so very much, and have grown so very much as a person during this journey to being healthy.  I need to remember and remind myself of this daily when I encounter a bump in the road, have a stressful moment or day, or just struggle and sometimes lose a battle with my food addiction.  Rome was not built in a day and neither is the NEW me!  Each minute, hour, day, month contains a new challenge, success, failure.  They key for me is to learn from each and every moment and to try my very best not to beat myself up.

Monday reminded me that I need to give myself a break, it's OK once in a while to indulge in something you enjoy (even if it is food).  I struggle with this because sometimes it leads to continued indulging.  At work Monday we had a special lunch for everyone.  It was tacos.  I went back and forth and debating on taking my own lunch and having salad that day.  But then I thought you know it is very nice of the company to put together a lunch like this, people put time and effort into putting this together, and I think not participating is very rude and ungrateful.  So I had lunch.  I did really well, didn't overdo it and felt pretty good.  Then came my struggle...dessert.  There are a lot of things I can pass up and turn my nose up at, but then there is DIRT.  One of the ladies that works in the store made this (and trust me when I say this because I have had it before) and it is awesome.  I finished eating lunch and sat there for awhile going back and forth in my brain - nope, don't do it, yes - enjoy it.  After about 15 minutes of this back and forth internal struggle I decided to give in.  For the entire rest of the afternoon at work I thought "what did I just do?".  I have been working really hard in the last two weeks killing it at the gym and getting back to eating better.  I was worried that this would start another downward spiral like the "soda" thing did.  As the day ended and I was in the bathroom changing into my workout clothes I looked at myself in the mirror and started crying.  I hate that I am just so incredibly hard on myself.  Why do I let a little thing like having some dessert just push me to a place that I don't like to be in.  I keep telling myself I need to avoid any of these situation but then reality sinks in.  THIS IS LIFE!!!  There will always be these moment, these challenges, desserts that I maybe shouldn't have.  It's OK if I enjoy the occasional treat, and it's also OK if I decide not to have any.  I think of one of the ladies that used to bring things into the office.  If you didn't try it or eat it she would get upset.  I never understood why people have to be like that.  Anyway, after the tears stopped flowing, I got myself back together, got changed, I finished my work day and then headed to the gym.  A great working (and Zumba class at that) always makes me feel better, and the bonus it burns lots of calories.  I then came home, enjoyed a nice dinner (stuff that I had prepared in advance instead of stopping to get something), went to bed early and got a fabulous nights sleep.

This morning I got up feeling so much better.  The alarm clock went off at 5AM, I jumped out of bed, got ready and headed to the gym.  This month I am doing the Sisterhood Of The Shrinking Jeans Squat and Push-Up 30 Day Boot Camp as well as the Well Girl New Year New You Challenge calendars.  Every day I always wait until the end of the day to do them.  Some days this is a struggle especially after already putting in a pretty good workout at the gym in the evening.  So this morning I decided to take my calendars with me to the gym and do them before 6 AM Body Combat class started.  What a great idea...had plenty of time to do it before class started.  So when I left the gym at 7 I not only had finished my class but also my calendar exercises for the day.  I don't always get out of bed well in the morning but I love how I feel after getting in a morning workout.  I really need to try to do it more often.  I'm thankful that Combat class is at 6 AM.  I am so excited about going it makes it easier to get out of bed.

Work was a productive day.  Didn't do my own work but in the end it will be worth it when these changes happen and make things in my department so much better.  Hopefully tomorrow I can catch up on some of my things so I don't get behind.  So happy that year end is behind us and everything went well with the review today.  I work with and for some amazing people.  It's nice to be part of a great team and a well oiled machine.  There are so many out these these days that either can't find a job or are stuck in a job that they are unhappy with.  I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to work for the company that I do and enjoy the job that I do.  I can't believe this April will make 12 years (I was thinking it was 11 earlier today) since I made the big change of moving down here.  Through rough times, homesickness, moments of doubt...I know I definitely made the right decision.

Breakfast this morning was a homemade breakfast sandwich (veggie sausage, egg white, and cheese on a whole wheat english muffin) and a clementine.  For my mid-morning snack I had one of my bags of portioned out mixed nuts and a small banana.  Lunch was then salad (romaine, lots of veggies, and chicken) and some fruit salad.

On the second Tuesday of each month I get to leave work a little early and head to the hospital for my weight management support group.  I'm always a little bummed that I am missing my usual Tuesday night at the gym (Booty Barre followed by Body Pump) but I know it's definitely worth missing.  There will always be another class on another night (as long as I can get in).  The last group was back early in December so it felt like forever since going.  Man, I really did miss it.  It's just so great to see everyone and catch up.  Life and this journey wouldn't be the same without this group.  I guess I really have to thank that day in the doctor's office when my blood pressure was through the roof.  Without that day the number of events that were then set in motion wouldn't have happened.  From being referred to a doctor, getting put on blood pressure meds, asking to be referred to a dietician, meeting Theresa, taking Change To Win (three times), finding out the start of a new weight support management group, meeting Carey, and everyone that I have met in group.  I am beyond thankful and grateful for this group.  Between meeting and getting to know some pretty special people, learning lots of great things, getting some great advice and support...this group has been wonderful.

Since group ended before my normal evening at the gym, I was able to make it home earlier than usual, get dinner it at a decent time, and get some things done around the apartment, call my Dad, and enjoy some me time.  Glad I did some cooking on Sunday so I could quickly have dinner ready instead of picking up something and probably making a bad decision.

Finished the evening with a yummy apple and lots more water (which I'll be paying for as I am up a couple of times during the night).

Another day in the books, a good day, lots of great choices....feeling like I am definitely getting back the new me.