A Recap of the Week That Was

The week started on Monday with a pretty normal day, well sort of.  Work has been pretty busy.  We are implementing some new changes in my department and it's been challenging.  Because of the new things and some other things beyond my control I've been spending a lot more time than normal pitching in and helping to keep the department afloat.  Over the weekend I had spend a good part of weekend at home doing work, it needed to be done.  Monday was pretty much a continuation of the weekend.  I don't think I touched my work all day.  But at the end of day I felt like great progress was being made a game plan was being formed to prepare for the future.  I left work feeling pretty good.  After struggling through my fitness classes at the gym on Sunday morning I debated on whether or not to take Zumba class on Monday night.  I am still dealing with this stupid inner ear thing and the dizziness hasn't gone away.  It's not horrible all of the time, but when it does come around...wow.  But I just couldn't miss it not only because it just such a fun class but I knew I would see one of my friends in class.  I made it through.  Food-wise, it was a good day.

Tuesday was one of those days that just flew by.  Typically my weekly schedule includes 6 AM Body Combat class with Megan at the gym.  I really wasn't feeling up to it.  I also knew I would missing some time at work today, so I figured it was best to get an early start at the office.  It was a very productive day...very nice to work on my own stuff for the day.  Usually lunch involves staying in, but I had a lunch date with a great friend that I have met through the gym and my support group.  It was nice to get out, enjoy a nice lunch, and more importantly catch up and enjoy some wonderful conversation.  I have such a great support system of people in my life but there are times that you just feel like people really don't understand what you are struggling with/going through.  I am so thankful that this person has been brought into my life at this time in my life.  Our lives parallel in so many ways and she is on her own amazing journey.  I fee like we were meant to meet and help each other through this process.  This lunch date was much needed and well timed.  After an afternoon of work, I left early to go to the Demo and Dine night at the hospital (see previous blog post regarding the evening).  It was nice to have another lady that I met in my support group sit with me at the demo, made it an ever better evening.

Wednesday was a rough start.  I woke up to my entire room spinning.  I tried and couldn't even get out of bed.  So I laid in bed a little longer than normal.  Fortunately I felt a little better and was able to get, get ready, and head to work.  Boy, was I thankful that I had fixed my salad for lunch the night before.  Unfortunately in my running late and hurry to get to work on time I left behind my gym bag at the apartment so I had to miss Zumba class that evening after work.  I figured maybe it was a sign that I needed to take another day off from exercising.  Breakfast and lunch this day was filled with good choices, but dinner was an entirely different story.  Because I wasn't feeling good I just stopped and got fast food to take home.  I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I just wanted to eat and crawl into bed.

Thursday was another rough day.  This dizziness thing is right down annoying.  Besides the dizziness I feel great.  I've been even checking my blood pressure to make sure it's not too high or low and it has been pretty good.  I just don't know anymore.  I really don't want to go back to the doctor.  I really wish she just would have given me an antibiotic that first time I went to see her, but oh well.  The prescription she gave me for the dizziness is nice, expect it makes me really sleepy, so I haven't been taking it during the day.  It certainly has been making the work days tough but I have been fighting through it.  There just is no time to worry about it, I have things to do.  I'm just hoping it is going to take time, but it will go away.  I was dizzy so much all day but I still made the day productive.  Fortunately I have a desk job, and as long as I stayed where I was it was pretty good.  But those moments I had to move around...wow.  I knew the way I was feeling I was going to have to cancel my classes at the gym for the night.  This really depressed me.  After all, this is one of my favorite nights.  I love the combination of the double of Booty Barre and Body Pump.  It had been three weeks since I have taken Booty Barre because of the dizziness/other engagements/weather cancelling class.  Thankfully I did go home and had leftovers of a few things I had made the previous Sunday.  Definitely made a much better choice.

Friday morning once again I missed 6AM Body Combat class.  I really hate missing this class.  I love that early morning workout but knew how much I needed good balance to be in that class.  I took my gym bag and thought maybe when I got out of work I would just go into the gym for a little bit before closing and just get some treadmill time in.  I also knew it was going to be another busy day in the office, and it was.  It was a pretty emotional day too.  If you ever had a friendship that just ended abruptly with no reasons you know how hard it can be to run into that person again.  Try working with them every day.  After time I had to come to the realization it was what it was.  But because we have to work together each day, it can have it's challenging days.  This person is going through some medical issues and is going to be out of the office for a while.  Well, because of my position I need to be responsible for her duties and fill in for her.  So the day started with checking to see how she was doing.  Apparently it is all overwhelming which I understand.  Anyway it ended with us both in tears.  I struggled with what to say because of the lost friendship.  In the end, whether the right thing or not, I went with my heart.  I really felt much better.  Then came the end of the day...and I was agitated and that is all I will say.  I will just chock it up to a busy day and move on.  It ended up being a late evening in the office so I didn't make it to the gym before it closed.  Food...not great.  Went to Wendy's for lunch.  I could have made better choices, chicken sandwich and fries.  Dinner was chinese take out and some chocolate.  Not a great day but it is only one day.

Saturday morning I woke up and thought this dizziness is NOT going to win today.  I am going to get in a good workout.  So I took some meds, got dressed, tied up my sneakers, had a blueberry muffin and a banana, and headed to the gym.  I knew this wouldn't be my normal Saturday schedule.  Usually my Saturday morning is Booty Barre followed by Body Pump, and then sometimes if I am up for it Zumba.  Lately it has just been the first two.  I was on the wait list for Pump class so I knew I would have a free hour in between classes.  Picture was taken at the gym before class started.

I gotta be honest, I was pretty scared about Booty Barre.  Since I haven't taken it for three weeks I thought I would struggle with it.  It is a killer class, and hurts so good.  I was so happy that it went much better than I thought it would.  Maybe that time away wasn't such a horrible thing.  It was also nice to run into people that I haven't seen for a while.  It was nice to know that I was missed and worried about.  I have said this again, but I love my supportive gym family.  With time to kill before Zumba class started, I got onto the treadmill and walked a bit.  Seemed weird to go out into the machine area of the gym.  Kinda makes me think that maybe I should be balancing my workouts more, and spending a little more time out there.  It's funny, I have actually been called (jokingly, of course) a "class snob".  After the treadmill time was a fun Zumba class.  It was a great calorie burn day.

By the time I came home I was beat.  I'm guessing it was the meds that were making me sleepy.  I had some leftovers for lunch and then took a nap.

Sunday morning made day two in a row back to the gym.  Since I got back into town early before class started I got in some treadmill time before class.  Today was Body Pump followed by Zumba.  Had some rough spots, had a rough time keeping my balance during the lunge track but fought through it.  I decided not to take any meds today because there were things I wanted to get done today and knew if I did I would waste the day napping.  Another great workout.

One the way home from the gym I stopped at the market and got some groceries.  I felt like I got a little carried away with the veggies.  Every time I saw something I put it in my cart.  After I got home I thought I hope I can eat all this before it goes bad. 

 I spent the afternoon and evening cooking and prepping for the week ahead.  I baked some marinated chicken breasts, roasted some baby carrots, made mashed rutabagas, mashed cauliflower, and some steamed broccoli.

I had been craving some pasta lately so I figured this was the week to have some before I try to be more mindful of my carbs starting in March.  So I also made a chopsuey with some lean ground beef, heart healthy tomato soup, not salt added diced tomatoes, and some shells.

I then got all the stuff ready for my lunches this week by cutting up all the stuff for my salads.  This will make getting lunch ready so much quicker and more more efficient.  Additions to my salad this week (along with chicken and some reduced fat cheese).  I decided to mix up my salad greens this week and go with baby romaine and baby spinach.  My add ins are full of colors and crunch which makes for a great and interesting salad.  It's funny I am told my salads look professional and I could make money selling them...lol.  I do though have to remember this week to bring my own real fork to work and leave one in my desk.  Every day last week I broke at least one fork while eating my salad.  This weeks add ins:  shredded carrots, european cucumbers, baby tomatoes, peppers (red, yellow, and orange), red onion, broccoli, and cauliflower.

So then since I had everything out I figured I might as well make my salad for tomorrow, one less thing I have to do when getting ready for work in the morning.  I usually pack my chicken separate.  I like to reheat it in the microwave and put warm chicken atop my salad.  I think it makes it taste so much better.

I cleaned up all my dishes, put away all of my leftovers and prepped food, and then put away my fruit in my wonderful fruit bowl (it's really a trifle bowl, but I choose to use it for fruit).  Those who know me best know my love of penguins....while it may be more for during the holidays, this thing is used year round.  Best fruit bowl ever...

I feel like I have taken the steps I need to make it a successful week ahead.  I have signed up for all my classes, have my support group meeting this week, and have a really busy week ahead at work.  Planning is truly key for me.  There is always something to throw a wrench in things, but I am going to try my best to keep on track and not let any stresses or emotions get the better of me.  As far as this dizziness, I'm hoping that this is the week that goes away, but I am not going to let it stop me this week like it has the last few weeks.  This month may have been challenging but I want to head into March ready to move forward with my journey.

Demo and Dine - February

Tonight was this month's Demo and Dine night at the hospital.  I have posted about this before.  Last year my local hospital starting doing this monthly series of cooking demonstrations to show the community and those interested in attending that cooking and healthy can not only be done but can be done easily.

Tonight was the fourth one and the theme for tonight was "Cooking for a Happy Healthy Heart" in honor of Heart Health Month.

First up for the night was Spinach Strawberry Salad.  I have to say this always seemed like a weird combination to me.  Although I have seen a lot of recipes mixing the two before I just didn't think it would taste well.  To me fruit and salad just didn't seem to go together (crazy, I know).  But I must say I was pleasantly surprised.  Spinach was always something I stayed away from because all I remember as a kid was this icky bowl of mushy wilted green stuff that Mom would make for dinner (no offense to Mom, but it looked horrid).  I remember trying it going ewwwwww.  For that reason I knew spinach would be forever on my foods not to eat list.  Twenty plus years later I was out at restaurant and ordered a salad.  When it came out the lettuce looked different that normal.  I looked at the waitress and said "what is this".  When she said spinach I was like ugh.  But I decided to give it a try and thought mmmmm, this is pretty good.  I still pretty much stay away from the cooked form, but I do want to maybe try some recipes that include it, but raw...I LOVE IT! 

The combination of spinach, strawberries, mint, and toasted almonds proved to be a great mix.  The salad was tossed in an herb vinaigrette that I loved.  This is a vinaigrette that I might have to make more often and add to other salads.  I'm always trying to look for salad dressing (vinaigrette) recipes that are so much healthier than the stuff you buy in the stores.  This will definitely become a new salad combination.  This will be a great summer salad.

       Spinach Strawberry Salad (Cooking Light)   Spinach Strawberry Salad

Next up on the menu was Savory Shrimp and White Bean Stew.  I was pretty excited to try this for a few reasons.  First, I love shrimp.  Second, the beans.  Beans are such a great thing to add to your daily diet, but I just haven't tried a lot of them and honestly don't know what to do with them once you get them out of the can.  Pretty easy to make and actually something that doesn't take long to make, this would be a great thing to make on a night when you want something quickly and are craving a nice soup (stew).  To me it seemed more like a soup than stew.  This was great by itself but I noticed on the recipe that it said you could serve it with some brown rice which I think would make it more hearty.  The shrimp was awesome, the broth very tasty, and the trying of the cannellini beans were successful.  Add that to my list of things I like.  The cheese in the picture was not in the recipe.  Brenda thought it make it better to add a "smattering" of it to finish the dish.  It was a great addition.  I could eat it with or without the cheese.  I will definitely be making this at home.

Savory Shrimp and White Bean Stew (The Well-Fed Heart)   Savory Shrimp and White Bean Stew

Next up was the main course for the night.  I was happy to see we were having chicken.  Chicken is pretty much a huge staple in my daily meals.  Sometimes though I tend to get stuck in a rut with chicken and run out of ideas of what to do with it.  So anytime I can get a chance to try chicken in a new way I jump at the chance.  This was probably my most favorite dish of the night.  First there was the combination of the chicken and asparagus (which I just tried for the first time last month - and liked it) which went well together.  But what made this dish were the ingredients that made the sauce.  All things I typically don't use - but that kick of the ginger, oyster sauce, and chile garlic sauce provided a great flavor profile.  I might have to add these to a future shopping list and keep them on hand.  The surprising part was the addition of the pistachios.  It really added a nice crunch to the dish in addition to the asparagus.  Again, something I will definitely play with and try to make at home.  This is yet another thing I love about this demo and dine.  If I were to look at this recipe online I might think "yeah, this looks good, but there is no way I am trying it".  The beauty of this demo and dine is that not only gives you the opportunity to try new things, but let's you see that things aren't are as difficult to make as you might think they are.  Trying it in this setting and knowing how good it is really makes you want to take the recipe home and make it for yourself. 

With the chicken dish, brown rice with sesame was made.  I fortunately like brown rice but at times I admit it can seem boring and blah.  So this was nice to enjoy with a little twist to it.  Even though it was just some lime juice and sesame seeds, it really did bring a nice addition to the rice.  This also makes me think there are other things that I could do to rice to give it a little extra something something. 

  Brown Rice with Sesame        Wok-Seared Chicken Tenders with Asparagus & Pistachios

Last, but certainly not least was dessert.  First of all, you can't go wrong with chocolate and it was a darker chocolate (thus the heart healthy aspect), then you add a splash of rum...YUM!  Now this would not normally be an after dinner dessert for me and was a little high in the calories, but this would be definitely be a nice thing to make and have for a special occasion.  After all, this is a lifestyle chance and it is OK to indulge once in a while.  Besides if you had a day where you got in a really killer workout...then you could maybe enjoy a little bit without feeling guilty.  It was pretty good. 

     Rich Chocolate Pudding Pie (Cooking Light)   Rich Chocolate Pudding Pie   

Once again, a great evening of great food, cooking tips, health and nutritional facts, and even a few jokes from our host Brenda Ridgway.  Brenda does a great job with this demo filling us with great information as our dinner and meal is being prepared and cooked.  Then I think what also makes it that you are also supplied with some great handouts and literature on the monthly topic.  Those that know me know that I love to read and learn new information.  We really got some great handouts tonight and even were given some copies of some other great looking recipes to try.

Of course the night wouldn't be what it is without Chef Pete Lippold.  He is a man of few words (Brenda can get him to talk from time to time) but his cooking really does all of the talking.  The hospital is very lucky to have him.  It's no wonder the few times that I have eaten lunch in the hospital cafeteria I have not been disappointed. 

I really get so much out of each of these evenings.  After now attending the fourth one I feel like I have learned so much, are now willing to try more things than I ever would have been tempted to before, and want to get back into the kitchen again.  Cooking is tough for me because I find it so difficult to do when you are just cooking for one.  It was always so much easier to stop and pick something up instead of getting out all the pots and pans and taking the time to cook.  Knowing that I come home, cook a healthy dinner with at times with sometimes very few ingredients, do it in short period of time (because time is most definitely at a premium these days) is huge.  While theses dishes make a good bit knowing that I can have wonderful tasting leftover and even freeze for a later use makes me feel better about having things in my quest to be prepared and have plans in advance for each week ahead to eat healthy and make good choices.

I have said this before and I will say it again....but I am so thankful to live in an area that has a hospital that offers programs like this for the community.  Such a great resource.  Seriously get out there and check out your local resources....you just never know what might be out there for you.

A rough February (so far)

February...ugh.  After such a great January I felt like I had put my struggles behind me from the end of 2013 and had turned the corner and was ready to push forward.  Oh boy, was I wrong.  This month has been what I call the "perfect storm".  I didn't weigh in the first week but the second week I had gained back 3.6 pounds - see numbers page.

On my last post (which was forever ago) I had mentioned that I wasn't feeling well.  I ended up going to the doctor.  I had some fluid buildup in my ear.  Apparently this is what was causing the dizziness.  While I am feeling much better, the dizziness hasn't completely gone away.  Honestly, it is more aggravating than anything.  I feel like it is holding me back.  I am letting it play mind games with my head.  I took a week and a half off from exercising, which was so very hard.  If you read my posts you know just how much I love exercise and how it makes me feel so much better not only physically but mentally.  I finally went back to the gym last Monday.  I figured I would start with Zumba.  It went well.  Combat class the next day was a little more challenging.  You tend to have to use your balance a little bit more and it was tough at times but I got through it.  I have yet to get back to a Booty Barre class yet.  I have really missed this class and I feel my body will be paying for it when I get back to it next Thursday (hopefully).  I went back to Body Pump class this morning.  Also another class that I love and have missed (I do really love them all).  I am totally feeling it tonight, but in a good way.  The class went really well but once again when I laid down to do the chest track the room just started spinning.  Thankfully it went away and I pushed forward.  Barring weather and besides my current other engagements this week, I hope to have a full week of classes at the gym and get back to my regular routine.  I also want to start getting some more walking in (I did 20 minutes on the treadmill before my Body Pump and Zumba classes today).  Today's workout felt good.

Then there has been the weather.  We have probably had one of the worst winters in years, or at least it seems like it.  It has been a horrible combination of not only the snow and ice but the frigid temperatures.  Through this whole process and losing all this weight I have noticed that I feel so much colder than I ever did.  This weather has been downright depressing.  One day I made the best of it and went outside for a really good walk in the snow, but since then I want nothing to do with the outdoors.  The weather is even interfering with working out.  Classes Thursday night were cancelled because of the weather.  I know that there is so many things I could do at home, but I just couldn't do it.  I am so ready for Spring to get here, some warmer temperatures, and lots more sunshine.  I truly do suffer from a seasonal disorder.

Last but certainly not least there are the emotions.  These have been way out of whack this month which for me tends to lead to some really bad food choices.  I tend to hang onto things and keep a lot of stuff to myself, which I know is a very bad thing.  This has always been something I have struggled with all my life, but has gotten worse since I moved 700 plus miles away from family and friends.  I know that I am not, but have felt so alone and like it is just me.  For that reason I have not wanted to burden those I love and care for with my problems and issues because they can't be here.  I know that is wrong thinking but I don't want anyone that I care for to worry about me.  I tend to put on a happy face and say "all is well".  In the end, I do know that by doing this I am hurting myself and making it harder for me to move on with things and this sometimes (and has) led to me eating my feelings and stuffing things further down with food.

During my yearly GYN exam I expressed a concern over a lot of pain during "that time of the month".  This led to having an appointment for an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK along with a discussion on some options.  We discussed doing an ablation but then the doctor said the word "tubal".  My mouth dropped.  I have always told myself that if I didn't have children by 40 that I probably wouldn't have any, but that is me talking.  It was totally another thing to think that it WOULDN"T be an option any longer.  It really hit me hard.  It just seems so final.  It is something I need to seriously think about doing and whether it is the right thing for me.  This leads me to why this really bothers me more than it normally would.  I can't believe I am going to say this out loud, but maybe it is time.  Maybe this is what I need to let go of, maybe this is something that is keeping me from moving forward and continuing to be successful.  Oh my, this is so hard.....

From the moment I saw my oldest nephew being born I thought that is definitely something I want in my life...to be a mother.  After all I have had such amazing women and role models in my life to look up to (my Mom, my Grandmothers, Aunts, cousins, friends, and even co-workers).  I knew that when I moved down here to Maryland this goal in life might be a little harder.  After all I would be doing it without my family around.  Relationships came and went...after awhile I just figured this was a role in life not meant to happen for me.  Then I met someone that I had feelings for that I never felt before....dare I say it was love.  He even met my parents when they came down here for a visit.  In the end things didn't work out between us but something was going on.  Something felt different, something like never before.  To my surprise (well, there were many emotions), I found out that I was pregnant.  So many thoughts and like I said so many emotions...shock (after all I was on the pill), surprise, happiness, fear, excitement, just to name a few.   Reality then set in....could I do this not only on my own but with my family so far away.  I figured I had plenty of time ahead of me to think about that.  I was a little scared to tell anyone, after all what would they think?  So I decided to keep it to myself until I felt comfortable sharing.  Long story short, I miscarried very early on.  I was devastated.  Again ran the whole gamete of emotions...maybe this was God's way of saying it wasn't the right time.  During this period, I turned to food and this is when I became my heaviest and unhealthiest (in the 330's).  I would put it in the back of my mind but then from time to time it would come up again and just completely wreck me.  My hope is that finally putting it out there I can finally let it go and not let it do the damage that it has done in my lifestyle change journey.  Phew......

Allright....now is the time to find my motivation.  I feel like it is missing and I need to put up a reward to find it.

For my goals for the rest of the month:

To get back into a regular workout routine.
Be much more mindful of what I am eating.  Ask myself if I am hungry or if it is emotional.
Find other healthier ways to deal with my emotions, stresses.
If not every day (yet), try to log my food again for a while until I can get back to where I am comfortable.

I am going to stay off the scale for the remainder of the month and step back on for a new month.

I have to look at this month as a little bump in my road.  There will always be those bumps, it is how you deal with them, learn from them, and tread forward.  This month has been a challenge, but it will not break me.  I am a much stronger woman than I was 100 pounds ago.  I just need to get my mojo back.

Stay tuned...the journey continues.   :)