Wow....it's really been a long time time since I have posted on my blog. I never stopped writing, I just chose to keep it private in my own written journal. Not that anyone reads this silly thing, (honestly I started this more because I thought it would be easier than writing and I also knew that there were a few people back home that wanted to keep up with what I was doing), but I just made the decision to stop sharing.
I began this blog to chronicle my weight loss journey so to have something to look back on. I have had so much wonderful support from family, friends, and strangers that have become friends and acquaintances through this journey.
After I lost my 100 pounds before my 40th birthday I have since been in a battle to continue losing. I have actually put weight back on. The good news (this time) I didn't put it all back on. Through this journey it has truly been an education regarding food and exercise. I think these two aspects have at least kept me at a point where I didn't fully gain every pound back. Well I am now 42 (will be 43 in September) and while I do still feel healthy (and still not on blood pressure meds - which is why this whole journey started in the first place) I have struggled greatly.
I kept thinking to myself "what is wrong with me?". I know what I should be eating, I love to exercise but yet I still keep gaining weight back. It's been like a big roller coaster. I feel like I have lost the same pounds over and over and over again, which is beyond aggravating.
As the end of 2015 came to an end I finally had my answer. I have a BINGE EATING DISORDER!!!!! (huge sigh of relief - I said it)
Between that moment and now it has been so hard coming to terms with this. There have been good days, there have been really bad days, and there have been days where I just don't know how I am. How I can best describe how it's been - I feel like it compares to the seven stages of grief.
I was in such shock and denial about the whole thing. Where I thought I would be relieved to finally know what was wrong with me and how it explains everything I have been through I just wanted to fight it. It was like opening a Pandora's box...once I knew what it was I couldn't put it back and forget about it. It was out there in the open and I had to face it, but I didn't want to. I felt like a child going through a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming "NOOOOOOO".
Then came the anger. I kept thinking "why me?". The level of anger and frustration was unreal. I was so mad at myself and was in a state of beating myself up. How could I let this happen? What in the world is wrong with me?
I kept going back and forth from the anger to still being in denial. I kept trying to think of other things to explain my eating habits - the large volumes of food, the continued eating even though I wasn't hungry, the eating one way in public in front others to then come home and just completely lose control, the feelings of guilt and being ashamed after coming out of my binge "trance" and realizing what I had just done/eaten. It was one night after work after dealing with one of my "triggers" that I came to the realization how real this was. I didn't have any plans for dinner, nothing was prepared at home. I was going to go to the gym after work but just wasn't feeling it. I tried to think what I wanted for dinner but I really couldn't think of anything. I would think of something and stop and pick it up. Driving down the rode I thought "oh, that sounds good". So I stopped a few more places. In the end before I made it back home I had stopped at five different places (and not healthy places). I the proceeded to bring it all home and eat it all. Was I that hungry? No. I just couldn't stop. I felt so far out of control in my life and when I felt out of control this is what I did...I binged, and at times a lot.
As I am reading this last paragraph an overwhelming sense of fear comes over me. Minus a professional and a very close confidant, I have never shared this story with anyone. So many thoughts are running through my head. Are you really going to share this? Oh my God, what will people think of you? They will think you are a freak? But I know if I keep things like this inside it will continue to happen. I am so screwed up!!!
In this process, depression then set in. This is not a disease that just goes away. How in the world can I tackle this, what has caused it. I was clueless. I started distancing myself from people because I just didn't want to have to explain myself - my emotions being all over the place (more so than normal) and my negative thoughts. I always pride myself in trying to remain a positive person but I had to face the facts - I could no longer put that fake smile on my face and pretend like nothing was wrong. I was tired and wanted to hide.
In my darkest moments I then realized that I can't let this define me. I slowly started to accept the fact that I have a problem and it is nothing to be ashamed of anymore. As I started accepting it, it started to become less uncomfortable and hard to believe more comforting. I know, comforting, right? How in the world could it be comforting? It was nice to finally realize why I couldn't keep my weight off, why I couldn't stay somewhere and maintain.
In the last couple of weeks I have come to some serious epiphanies as to the reasons why I binge. While it is not good to hide things (and something I am learning) this is not a platform that I choose to share. I am sharing and not keeping those secrets but as I always have been very guarded in my personal business. I, and I alone choose who and when to share with. I have been burned in the past sharing with those I think I can trust and have been hurt deeply.
I have a lot more to learn about this disorder. I know there are still going to tough days and struggles. This isn't something that is going to go away or be cured.
My task now is to work on the why's and what for's, come to terms with things in my past and work through them, and slowly learn to control this.
I will find my happiness again.....in time.
(I have been sitting here for the last hour debating on whether to hit the publish button...wow, this is so hard). It's time to let it go....
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Exercising for a Worthwhile Cause
Not sure how many years ago it was but I found out that our company had a team that participated in a breast cancer walk in Hagerstown, which is where my corporate office is located. An email was sent out and we were invited to join those walking from our other office. I couldn't pass up this opportunity. I have tried to do it every year (I think there was one year a couple of years ago when I couldn't participate because I flew back home to Maine to visit family for vacation).
This year I will walking again but instead of going to Hagerstown and walking with my company team I will be staying local and walking with a team called the Pink Ladies (thanks to my boss Dana for inviting me). Both walks are the same day and instead of driving the distance to Hagerstown I decided to stay local. Plus, the money that is raised does stay local which is always nice.
This year's walk means just a little more to me this year (not that any other year isn't important). Before I went on vacation last month I received a message from one of my friends and sorority sisters back in Maine telling me that she had breast cancer. I was in shock. I know there is no age discrimination but it just really hit home for me. It once again just made it so personal and so close to home. I cried and all I could think of was why her. She has a family and two beautiful children and it just didn't seem fair. But I have to tell you in the days past hearing what she has been through (surgery and so on) I have gained a new appreciation for her and her strength. Adversity truly does bring out the fighter in you. I am so proud of how she has handled this and I pray that in the days and months to come everything continues to go well and she can put this behind her and move forward. God Bless you Jenn and your family....I will continue to keep you all in prayers and thoughts each day.
So, while I am great at volunteering my time and contributing money to causes I feel are worthwhile during the year where I suck is raising money. Each year when I would walk I would ask for donations but I just really have a hard time asking people to do this. These days lots of people struggle with their own problem (illnesses, money, and so on) and the last think they need is someone asking them for money. While some people are good at fundraising....this girl isn't one of them, never have been. That being said I was trying to think of a way to raise money to donate this year.
If you read my last blog post (Wellness Ambassdor) I made the decision to donate my $100.00 prize for being awarded wellness ambassador to the cause. But I thought what I can do to give more this year and then it hit me...
Exercise!!! Yup, exercise. I think of each year that I have walked and watching the survivors show up. Some are unable to participate in the walk but are still there to cheer those on that can plus be there to be recognized. Then there are those that can walk, even if it was just that first lap around the track or finishing the entire walk. So what I have decided to do in donate based on my activity for the month of October up through the 17th (the walk is on the 18th).
For each day I reach 10,000 steps, I will donate $1. If I reach 20,000 steps in a day I will donate $2. For every mile (whether it be walking or biking) I complete I will donate $1 per mile. I will also forfeit my exercise jar money during this time period. For those of you that don't know about my exercise jar, I put a dollar in the jar for every day that I exercise.
So far through the first five days of October:
Steps -
10/1 - 16,733
10/2 - 14,180
10/3 - 15,462
10/4 - 14,110
10/5 - 17,093
Miles Completed -
10/1 Walking/Jogging - 5.04 miles
10/2 Walking/Jogging - 3.79 miles
10/3 Walking/Jogging - 4.65 miles
10/4 Walking/Jogging - 3.45 miles
Biking - 10.5 miles
10/5 Walking/Jogging 5.02 miles
So through today my exercise donation is $42.45.
If I can keep up this pace I should be able to make a nice final contribution to Breast Cancer Awareness which makes me very happy.
If you would like to contribute to this great cause here is the link to my page - Making Strikes Against Breast Cancer
While I don't expect anyone to contribute I post my link in case you haven't seen it before and wish to contribute.
This is also where I recognize that all of us feel strongly about so many causes out there. I personally have a list of favorites that each year I spend my time and money to contribute to. While there isn't one cause out there more important than other (because there are so many out there) it is up to each of us individually to decide what moves or inspires us to want to give give our time or money. The key is find something that you feel strongly about and do what you can - volunteer at a animal or homeless shelter, walk or bike ride for a cause, donate your blood, have your bone marrow tested, or become an organ donor. There are so many things to do out there. I for one admit since moving down here to Maryland I have gotten away from serving my community because I really didn't know where to start. When I was in Maine I knew where to go and what to do. When I was in college I was part of a service sorority (Gamma Sigma Sigma) where the emphasis was placed on service. We had to compete so many service hours each semester. It was during this time that I put in a ton of hours helping so many different causes and where I fell in love with serving my community (which was Bangor at the time while being at Husson University). During this journey the last couple of years I have found that this is one aspect of my life that has been missing. While I have participated in these walks, I know that there is so much more I can do. My hope is that in the coming year I can get out there more, learn more about the community that I live in, and find places where I use my talents and abilities to help. I will forever love my hometown of Milo and the other towns/cities I have lived in (Dexter and Bangor) and the state of Maine, but I have come to realize recently that I finally have considering Cumberland my home (I know finally after 10 plus years). While I like to hide and maintain my personal space and privacy, it is time to get out into the community and see what I can do.
Good night and God Bless!!!
Friday, October 3, 2014
Wellness Ambassador
A few months ago I received a call from someone at the local hospital here informing me that someone had nominated me as a wellness ambassador. I have to say I was quite surprised. During the call I was interviewed and asked some questions based on the six dimensions of wellness:
SIX DIMENSIONS OF WELLNESS: (National Wellness Institute)
• Social Wellness encourages contributing to one’s environment and community.
• Emotional Wellness recognizes awareness and acceptance of one’s feelings.
• Spiritual Wellness recognizes our search for meaning and purpose in human existence.
• Occupational Wellness recognizes personal satisfaction and enrichment in one’s life through work.
• Intellectual Wellness recognizes one’s creative, stimulating mental activities.
• Physical Wellness recognizes the need for regular physical activity. Physical development
encourages learning about diet and nutrition while discouraging the use of tobacco, drugs and
excessive alcohol consumption.
I was told that each month a person would be chosen from those that have been nominated. I thought to myself it was so thoughtful for someone to nominate me. I'm sure there are plenty of deserving people in the area and to just be nominated was an honor. I had asked if I could be told who nominated me and I was told no, which is fine, but it would be nice to know who thought of me in such a way. I was told is was more than one person who nominated me. So, thank you to those that nominated me.....I don't know who you are, but it means a great deal.
I had forgotten about this with a busy summer, lots of bike riding, vacation, and so on.
A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call telling me that I had been picked as this months wellness ambassador. It really took me by surprise. Honestly my first thought was that I didn't deserve it. After all lately I hadn't been feeling all too great, have been in a funk, and wasn't really feeling like someone people would be inspired by, look up to, or see as a mentor...let alone an ambassador. I almost told the person from the hospital that I didn't deserve it. But the more I thought about it I knew it was right to accept it. A little funk, a setback, and some other stuff does not reflect or dismiss this journey that I have been on, what I have accomplished and learned. This journey and lifestyle change that started a few years ago was for me and my benefit but to know that through my journey I have touched someone else's life and made an impact enough for them to nominate me truly touched me.
With being chosen me and my story is promoted and publicly recognized through the hospital, their facebook page Western Maryland Health Systems, a link on their website Western Maryland Health Systems, and some local radio spots.
Another perk of winning this award, you get $100. I wondered what I was going to do with this...treat myself with someone, put in the bank and save it for something. With my walk coming up this month for breast cancer Making Strides of Western Maryland, I decided to donate my winnings to the cause. I couldn't think of anything better to do with it.
I have had such amazing feedback from those around me when finding out about this accomplishment. It really warms my heart to know how much my journey has touched people, influenced them, and so on. I have also found through this process I have lots of "silent stalkers". I have had people tell me that I love keeping up with what you are doing. I don't like your posts or comments but I love hearing about how things are going. I don't do this to get attention, likes, comments. Honestly if no one every liked or commented but felt the way I have heard some people tell me that they do, that means so much more than any like I could ever get on facebook (but for those of you that do like and comment I appreciate you just as much). Whether visible or invisible, I appreciate the love and support through this journey and the continued journey.
Still not back to normal self yet and still trying to find my groove and confidence back (and hoping for some much needed closure in a private matter), but I know I will get there. I also know there will always be the occasional rough day, but hopefully as time goes on I will learn to deal with them better, not let them get the better of me, and maybe just maybe someday that dreaded "emotional eating" will not rear it's ugly head. Like anyone else that has ever struggled with weight, food addiction, and emotional eating.....there will never be that perfection. It is what is is, I am what I am (flaws and all), and every setback there is something to be learned, something to hopefully make me do better the next time. This journey is truly a marathon and not a sprint, something that I will continue on and yes struggle with from now until all the rest of the days of my life. I can only hope and pray that my bad days become fewer and farther between.
It's been a busy week and I still need to work on a post to talk about October but it has been a busy week at work with month and quarter end. Hopefully a new post will come in the next day or say but I needed to take some time to do this post.
For all of you out there that have been with through this journey....you have my love. I know that this has been me and I have done all the hard work, but there is no way I could have done it without each and every one of you....your like, your comment, your private message, your encouragement, your shoulder, your ear, the occasional hug. I know I have said this before but I will say it again and forevermore. Whether near or far, in person or virtually.....I am truly blessed with the love and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
Another perk of winning this award, you get $100. I wondered what I was going to do with this...treat myself with someone, put in the bank and save it for something. With my walk coming up this month for breast cancer Making Strides of Western Maryland, I decided to donate my winnings to the cause. I couldn't think of anything better to do with it.
I have had such amazing feedback from those around me when finding out about this accomplishment. It really warms my heart to know how much my journey has touched people, influenced them, and so on. I have also found through this process I have lots of "silent stalkers". I have had people tell me that I love keeping up with what you are doing. I don't like your posts or comments but I love hearing about how things are going. I don't do this to get attention, likes, comments. Honestly if no one every liked or commented but felt the way I have heard some people tell me that they do, that means so much more than any like I could ever get on facebook (but for those of you that do like and comment I appreciate you just as much). Whether visible or invisible, I appreciate the love and support through this journey and the continued journey.
Still not back to normal self yet and still trying to find my groove and confidence back (and hoping for some much needed closure in a private matter), but I know I will get there. I also know there will always be the occasional rough day, but hopefully as time goes on I will learn to deal with them better, not let them get the better of me, and maybe just maybe someday that dreaded "emotional eating" will not rear it's ugly head. Like anyone else that has ever struggled with weight, food addiction, and emotional eating.....there will never be that perfection. It is what is is, I am what I am (flaws and all), and every setback there is something to be learned, something to hopefully make me do better the next time. This journey is truly a marathon and not a sprint, something that I will continue on and yes struggle with from now until all the rest of the days of my life. I can only hope and pray that my bad days become fewer and farther between.
It's been a busy week and I still need to work on a post to talk about October but it has been a busy week at work with month and quarter end. Hopefully a new post will come in the next day or say but I needed to take some time to do this post.
For all of you out there that have been with through this journey....you have my love. I know that this has been me and I have done all the hard work, but there is no way I could have done it without each and every one of you....your like, your comment, your private message, your encouragement, your shoulder, your ear, the occasional hug. I know I have said this before but I will say it again and forevermore. Whether near or far, in person or virtually.....I am truly blessed with the love and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Where Did The Time Go - A Summer Recap
Seriously, where did the Summer go???? Even more importantly, how come I haven't been posting on my blog? My last post was almost two months ago...I apologize (for those of you that do read this). I gotta be honest I haven't been completely quiet, but I just found it so much easier to post things on my facebook page on a regular basis than open up my blog page and make a post.
As I lie in bed today taking a sick day (thanks to my family giving me their cold germs while I was back in Maine on vacation - keep fighting it and it hasn't become a full blown cold but the symptoms are dying to get out) I thought it would be a good time since I am lying in bed and not going anywhere to do some writing, reflecting, and look back on what was for the most part a pretty good summer.
Numbers - First things first, let's start with the numbers. If you have been following me months ago I entered a DietBet competition. The first two months I made my month but the last two months I haven't. After my July weight in I was back to my 100 pound weight loss. In the last two months I have gained back 10 pounds (I have updated my numbers page). I'll be the first to admit, I haven't been perfect. Although the weight gain is not something I am particularly excited about I also know there are so many others things just as important. So, onto some other important numbers. In August I had my yearly wellness exam with the doctor. First, my blood pressure was pretty decent that day....which is usually really high as soon as I walk into the doctor's office. I remember the day I was made to be put on blood pressure meds, thinking I will taking these stupid pills for the rest of my life. With all the hard work the last couple of years I can continue to say I am not taking any of those meds anymore...YAY!!! With the visit comes all the blood tests (yes, I didn't pass out this year) to check things. My cholesterol is something that years ago was high in spots, one year it was my total number, another year it was my triglycerides number. Let's just say I was pretty impressed with my results. Below is this years results compared to last years.
2013 2014 Difference Percentage +/-
Total Cholesterol 198 166 -32 -16%
Triglycerides 71 32 -39 -55%
HDL 38 48 +10 +26%
LDL 146 112 -34 -23%
Such great progress. Lots more work to do, but definitely headed in the right direction. This definitely makes me feel better about my weight gain. Even with the indulgences, I know that deep down that I am doing the right things, eating healthier, exercising more, and the numbers show that.
During my doctor appointment my doctor once again noticed a heart murmur. So once again I was sent for an echo-cardiogram. I also had one of these this year and was told that there was nothing to worry or being concerned. But those that know me know I worry about EVERYTHING. So knowing I had to have another of these tests again brought so many emotions. I thought what a flipping waste of my time. Seriously, will all of the exercise I have been doing lately....if something was wrong wouldn't I have known??? Then the scariness sets in....is something wrong? Do I need to stop exercising? Maybe I need to take it easy? I hate how things like this make me feel. Then comes the whole "a lot of good all this work that I am doing has done". So, I fell off the food rails....one of my biggest struggles and always will be. Emotional eating.....ugh. Anyway, the results are a bunch of words that just plain confuse me. All I got from my doctor was no need to worry, and we will do the echo-cardiogram again next year. This is when I get annoyed. If there is no need to worry, then why do I need to have it done again (which next year will be for the third year in a row). So, I made them send the paperwork results so I could read them (not that I am going to know what any of it means). Yup....lots of big words, see the word normal a lot (who knew I was normal...lol). Two things on the report jumped out at me.....mild mitral regurgitation and mild tricuspid regurgitation. I have done a little reading on it. Basically it means that your valve doesn't close tightly all the time so blood occasionally flowed backward in the heart. Your blood then can't move through your heart or the rest of your body efficiently, possibly making you feel tired or out of breath. It said in mild cases that no treatment is necessary which is why I guess I was told not to worry about it. But I have so many questions....can I make it better? can it get worse? what, if anything, can I do to make it better? Is there anything I should be doing differently? For peace of mind and my own sanity, I'm unsure and debating on whether to try to get an appointment with a cardiologist just so can they can tell me that everything is OK, what I need to worry or not worry about, and just tell what all the results mean in english. Time will tell....but I can't let this stop me in my exercising anymore (which I did, I have to be honest). I started constantly checking my heart rate during my classes and was afraid to push myself too much. If something was truly wrong, I would feel it right? I have to remember to just go for it, push myself, and just be mindful and listen to my body....AND STOP WORRYING SO DAMN MUCH!!!!
Goals - normally I give myself some monthly goals. I really haven't been doing that the last couple of months (maybe why I have gained????). I just knew things would be busy and didn't want to feel pressured. However, at the beginning of the summer the gym I go go (Life Fitness Management) asked us to make three goals for the summer and send them to them so that they could check in with you at the end of the summer to see where you ended up. I had kinda forgotten about this until I received an email from the gym this week asking me how I had done. My three goals for the summer and how I did:
1. To lose 18 pounds (which would have brought me back to my 100 pounds lost mark) - I was there at my July weigh in but then gained 10 back. So my loss for the summer was 7.4 pounds. I could be disappointed with this but why....it is still a loss.
2. To put 400 miles on my new bike and attempt a 50 mile ride - I put 848 miles on my bike and did one ride that was over 50 miles. I also did four rides between 40 and 50 miles. Was really excited and surprised to see this number. They do add up quickly. There were weeks during the summer where I was getting small rides in almost every day before work, getting a ride in in the evening, and then some big rides on the weekends. I can only imagine what this number might have been had I not taken a break to go on vacation. Maybe next year I can make it 1,000 miles. I have really enjoyed the time I have put in on my bike over the summer. It has meant missing gym time and my favorite classes and instructors but I think it was something I needed to do. I have to become more well rounded, change things up, and try new things. I do dread colder weather and the end of the biking season but I will also enjoy getting back to the gym to take classes and see some familiar and friendly faces.
3. To record 1 Million miles on my Fitbit - During this period I registered 1, 476,197 steps on my Fitbit. That's a lot of steps. Getting steps for me can be so hard working and sitting at a desk all day. So I have been trying to make a conscious effort to getting up more, trying different things to do to add a few more steps each day. Since I've been biking more and missing classes, I have been spending more time in the morning getting some walking in (and even little bits of jogging). I really want to try jogging, or dare I say even running more, but I feel like I need to wait until biking season is over before diving into this more. My continued goal is try try keep my daily average at 10,000 steps.
As September comes to an end, I have a few days to sit down and come up with some new goals for the upcoming month(s). Stay tuned.
Biking - Well, from seeing my goals section above you know that I have spent a good deal of time on the bike over the summer. Morning rides, after work rides, weekend rides, short rides, long rides. If the weather was nice and I had the time, I tried to get out on the bike and get in at least a few miles. I spend time both on the GAP and the C&O during my rides. Of course the bike riding it so much fun, and getting some great exercise is fabulous, but it is so nice to be outside enjoying nature and the beautiful weather we have had over the summer. I really have to thank Miss Karen for having that extra bike, introducing me to the GAP, and taking me on a few rides last summer. I can't believe in the 11 plus years that I lived down here in Maryland I am just recently finding out about the hidden gems of bike trails that we have here. Such a blessing. And the beautiful thing is each time to ride you see different sites, people, scenery. From staring in the Spring and staring to see things bloom, to summer and all of the beautiful bold colors, flowers, wildlife. Last week you can start to see Fall kicking in. I am hoping the weather is great over the next month to enjoy the seasons change on the bike trail. I remember some of the colors I saw last year and was reminded why Fall is clearly one of my favorite seasons. Below are some pictures of some of my summers trips on both sides of the trail. On the GAP I have now made it as far as Rockwood and on the C&O I have made it as far as Old Town.
In August I participated in the charity ride that the Western Maryland Wheelmen do. Each year they do a ride to raise money for Maryland Salem Children's Trust. Each year they do a variety of different road rides and a ride on the GAP. I decided to do the ride on the GAP from Cumberland to Frostburg. The weather was iffy that day, so I went out early and did the entire ride by myself. Most everyone did the road rides. So I made it a ride to best my time to Frostburg and did so. I don't remember now how much better I did but it was a good ride.
This last weekend I participated in my first Western Maryland Wheelmen Conquer The Mountain Ride. The wheelemen are the bike group that I joined that I have talked about in previous posts. Each year they do this ride up the GAP, leaving from Cumberland, going uphill to the Continental divide and returning. There is a stop for lunch. I have been looking forward to this since it was first talked about. Technically, I have competed this ride already, myself back on July 4th (talked about in a previous post) but this was a chance to do it with others and get the chance to meet some new people from the group. As the day approached I was a little nervous, after all I was riding with those who have been riding much longer than I, pretty much go a lot faster than I do, and are probably in better shape. But I reminded myself that while on the few rides I have done with them they have taken me into the group, been so supportive and helpful, and we very friendly and encouraging. So as the morning started my goal was to to try to best my previous time up the mountain. Going on, I pushed myself a little too hard. I think I kept thinking I don't want to be the slowest or hold anyone up. I kept a really good pace through Frostburg and our pit stop. Between there and our lunch stop I slowly began running out of steam. At one point I wanted to stop and turn around, but I couldn't let that happen. I am thankful for the different people along the way that rode beside me, talked to me. Some familiar faces and some new ones. That definitely helped during a few of those tough miles. Then just as I wanted to stop (and felt like I really needed a break) someone was stopped ahead. So we stopped (thank goodness). One of the guys I was riding with had telling me miles before that there was a rattlesnake den somewhere on the ride up. One of the guys stopped to show him where it was. I got to see my first real live rattlesnake (from a little ways away and hopefully I never see one any closer). But this little stop even to see a snake gave me a chance to rest a little and allow me to get back on the bike and finish the climb to the top. Once to the Big Savage Overlook we had a nice lunch (thanks to the guys to carrying it up from Frostburg). Had a nice lunch, had a chance to talk to and meet some new people, and was able to rest for a little bit. Once lunch was over we went up a little further on the trail to finish the climb to the Continental Divide. Then it was time for the ride back (downhill...YAY). This part is always my most favorite part, but today was a whole new level of fun. Minus one quick stop in Frostburg to drop off some stuff, it was a continuous ride downhill. It was so cool to be in a line, going fast, drafting off others, at times barely peddling. I looked down at one point and was going 23.5 miles per hour......so awesome. It was such an amazing day.
I have met some of the nicest people through biking. I have to say when I joined the group after finishing the bike group I felt like a little bit out an outsider. But everyone has been so welcoming, friendly, helpful, giving the best advice. Since I am a trail rider and the majority of the group are primarily road riders, I still feel like a little bit of an outsider. Just so I am clear it is not because no one treats me that way (honestly, they couldn't be more friendly), it's just because I don't ride the road and they all have so much in common. There is a group inside of the group called the Easy Riders, that do trail rides. Unfortunately I am unable to join them on their rides because they are usually during the week during daytime hours when I am working. It's been nice to go to the monthly meetings they have the last few months to actually learn more about what they are about and what they do. I'm hoping in time I find my spot in the group whether it be to finally give road riding a try (still not sure - sounds fun and they all seem to have a great time but still seems a little scary - time will tell....I know though that if I do make that jump I know that I have all of the best support in the world), find another way to make my mark in the group, or even just blend in and help out where I can. It's just really nice to be part of such a great group.
Vacation - For months I have been looking forward to this, a trip back to Maine. The thought about this trip has brought so many emotions - excitement, happiness, nervousness, fear. I know what you are probably thinking, nervousness and fear, what? This happens when I haven't been home for a while. Something in me always thinks that people will forget about me, realize they don't miss me as much as they thought they did, not like me anymore. I know, how silly, right? The last time I was home was back in October 2012 - almost two years ago. Add onto that I was also 100 pounds heavier. I have been through so many changes in the last two years - physically, emotionally, and so many other ways. I have been worried about what my family and friends would think. I think of my Mom who many times during phone conversations would tell me that I was taking good care of myself, not eating, doing unhealthy things to lose the weight. I know that she was just worried about me and I guess because she couldn't see me in person to see what I was doing that was her way of expressing it.
Anyway, fast forward two years and to the day I flew home, on my 41st birthday. In the last 11 plus years I have been flying back and forth to Maine I have struggled with weight issues and flying. Since the beginning I could never close shut the seatbelt on the plane. There were so many times I would pretend to put it together and then put a jacket or sweater over my lap. Probably not the safest thing. Then one time the flight attendant noticed that I wasn't buckled in, she asked me to buckle in. I told her I couldn't and it wouldn't fit. Everyone around me heard it and I was mortified "Oh, look, the fat girl can't buckle her seatbelt". She brought me a seat belt extender and told me to be sure to return it to her after the flight. From them on, each time I asked for the extender I felt so embarrassed. Then there is seat room. It was always a tight fit and if a full flight I sometimes sat besides people that weren't very nice that they had to share their space. I remember one time in particular where a women looked at me said "you should have bought two seats". A few others around her laughed. Again, mortified. So, this time around I went to get on the plane and it was a full flight. There weren't many seats available by the time I got on so I basically had to find an empty seat and just get seated. I found a seat and sat down. Oh my, there was extra room between me and the guy beside me....phew. Then came the time to put on the seat belt. Not only did I get it closed but I had extra room and was able to tighten it. Yup...I cried. It's funny the little things that permanently stick in your head and never go away. No more extended seat belts and no more looks, snickers, and so on about being the "fat girl" on the plane.
From the moment I got off the plane I was surrounded by family, friends, and lots of love. I really couldn't get over and had a hard time with some of the reactions. Without even a word I could just see the look on their faces....pride, excitement, just pure happiness for me and what I have accomplished. It was so nice. That being said, there is still something that I have to work on...taking compliments. I really never have and just don't do it very well. I remember one particular case where my cousin comes up to me at my homecoming party, gives me a great big hug, and says "you look so skinny". Instead of saying thank you my response was "No, I'm not". I don't know why I just can't take compliments well but I really need to learn to take it in, embrace it, and say thank you. Something to continue to work on. And I remember my Mom, when we finally had some alone time. She gave me hug and said to me "after finally seeing you in person I now know how much hard work you have been doing and that you have been doing the right and the healthy way. I am so proud of you". That meant the world to me.
Such a great trip and so much different than usual. Most usually when I go home I am on the go and always on the run, tiring myself out to see as many people as possible. This time (maybe because it had been so long since visits) I decided to stay close to home and relax. I am bummed that I didn't get to see as many people, but I have to admit I left Maine feeling so much more rested and relaxed than I usually do. Usually by the time I get back home to Maryland I am exhausted. Lot's of family time, some best friend time, some football time, some nephew time. I actually managed to even get in lots of walking. One night my mother, sister, and I cooked dinner together. Mom and I had gone to the local farmer's market and picked up some fresh veggies. It was nice to cook a healthy meal with the family. I actually got the family to try spaghetti squash and made them roasted carrots, and of course had to have Wyman's fresh corn on the cob. I ate pretty good while I was home but had to pass up the broiled option and get fried seafood. I nomally don't eat much fried food, but this was definitely an exception. I didn't have any red hot dogs while I was home but I did pack some into my suitcase to have the occasional indulgence after getting back home. The one bad habit I did get back into was drinking soda again. I drank a lot of water too, but every time I was out I caught myself ordering soda again. Forgot how much I missed the bubbles. So needless to say, I need get back to gradually removing that again from the daily "diet". Below are a few pics from vacation. I didn't even take a lot of pictures this time, too busy relaxing.
I'm sure there are things that I am forgetting about since my last post, but this is all I got for now (which is probably more than enough - one more reason to post more often...lol). I know I keep saying it, but I so have to get better at posting more often so I don't have to get so long winded. Sorry.
There have been some tough and emotional times lately (which I don't care to get into at this point). But all is well and it is time for me get back to focusing on me again, embracing life, and not letting others distract me from myself.
Even on this sick day, I received a pretty exciting phone call this morning with some exciting news. In case anyone reads this I will keep you all guessing until it is official.
October brings a busy month. Hopefully more biking, a breast cancer walk, and whatever else life brings my way.
Until then.....time to continue this journey and get back to taking care of me again.
Lots of love and blessings.
As I lie in bed today taking a sick day (thanks to my family giving me their cold germs while I was back in Maine on vacation - keep fighting it and it hasn't become a full blown cold but the symptoms are dying to get out) I thought it would be a good time since I am lying in bed and not going anywhere to do some writing, reflecting, and look back on what was for the most part a pretty good summer.
Numbers - First things first, let's start with the numbers. If you have been following me months ago I entered a DietBet competition. The first two months I made my month but the last two months I haven't. After my July weight in I was back to my 100 pound weight loss. In the last two months I have gained back 10 pounds (I have updated my numbers page). I'll be the first to admit, I haven't been perfect. Although the weight gain is not something I am particularly excited about I also know there are so many others things just as important. So, onto some other important numbers. In August I had my yearly wellness exam with the doctor. First, my blood pressure was pretty decent that day....which is usually really high as soon as I walk into the doctor's office. I remember the day I was made to be put on blood pressure meds, thinking I will taking these stupid pills for the rest of my life. With all the hard work the last couple of years I can continue to say I am not taking any of those meds anymore...YAY!!! With the visit comes all the blood tests (yes, I didn't pass out this year) to check things. My cholesterol is something that years ago was high in spots, one year it was my total number, another year it was my triglycerides number. Let's just say I was pretty impressed with my results. Below is this years results compared to last years.
2013 2014 Difference Percentage +/-
Total Cholesterol 198 166 -32 -16%
Triglycerides 71 32 -39 -55%
HDL 38 48 +10 +26%
LDL 146 112 -34 -23%
Such great progress. Lots more work to do, but definitely headed in the right direction. This definitely makes me feel better about my weight gain. Even with the indulgences, I know that deep down that I am doing the right things, eating healthier, exercising more, and the numbers show that.
During my doctor appointment my doctor once again noticed a heart murmur. So once again I was sent for an echo-cardiogram. I also had one of these this year and was told that there was nothing to worry or being concerned. But those that know me know I worry about EVERYTHING. So knowing I had to have another of these tests again brought so many emotions. I thought what a flipping waste of my time. Seriously, will all of the exercise I have been doing lately....if something was wrong wouldn't I have known??? Then the scariness sets in....is something wrong? Do I need to stop exercising? Maybe I need to take it easy? I hate how things like this make me feel. Then comes the whole "a lot of good all this work that I am doing has done". So, I fell off the food rails....one of my biggest struggles and always will be. Emotional eating.....ugh. Anyway, the results are a bunch of words that just plain confuse me. All I got from my doctor was no need to worry, and we will do the echo-cardiogram again next year. This is when I get annoyed. If there is no need to worry, then why do I need to have it done again (which next year will be for the third year in a row). So, I made them send the paperwork results so I could read them (not that I am going to know what any of it means). Yup....lots of big words, see the word normal a lot (who knew I was normal...lol). Two things on the report jumped out at me.....mild mitral regurgitation and mild tricuspid regurgitation. I have done a little reading on it. Basically it means that your valve doesn't close tightly all the time so blood occasionally flowed backward in the heart. Your blood then can't move through your heart or the rest of your body efficiently, possibly making you feel tired or out of breath. It said in mild cases that no treatment is necessary which is why I guess I was told not to worry about it. But I have so many questions....can I make it better? can it get worse? what, if anything, can I do to make it better? Is there anything I should be doing differently? For peace of mind and my own sanity, I'm unsure and debating on whether to try to get an appointment with a cardiologist just so can they can tell me that everything is OK, what I need to worry or not worry about, and just tell what all the results mean in english. Time will tell....but I can't let this stop me in my exercising anymore (which I did, I have to be honest). I started constantly checking my heart rate during my classes and was afraid to push myself too much. If something was truly wrong, I would feel it right? I have to remember to just go for it, push myself, and just be mindful and listen to my body....AND STOP WORRYING SO DAMN MUCH!!!!
Goals - normally I give myself some monthly goals. I really haven't been doing that the last couple of months (maybe why I have gained????). I just knew things would be busy and didn't want to feel pressured. However, at the beginning of the summer the gym I go go (Life Fitness Management) asked us to make three goals for the summer and send them to them so that they could check in with you at the end of the summer to see where you ended up. I had kinda forgotten about this until I received an email from the gym this week asking me how I had done. My three goals for the summer and how I did:
1. To lose 18 pounds (which would have brought me back to my 100 pounds lost mark) - I was there at my July weigh in but then gained 10 back. So my loss for the summer was 7.4 pounds. I could be disappointed with this but why....it is still a loss.
2. To put 400 miles on my new bike and attempt a 50 mile ride - I put 848 miles on my bike and did one ride that was over 50 miles. I also did four rides between 40 and 50 miles. Was really excited and surprised to see this number. They do add up quickly. There were weeks during the summer where I was getting small rides in almost every day before work, getting a ride in in the evening, and then some big rides on the weekends. I can only imagine what this number might have been had I not taken a break to go on vacation. Maybe next year I can make it 1,000 miles. I have really enjoyed the time I have put in on my bike over the summer. It has meant missing gym time and my favorite classes and instructors but I think it was something I needed to do. I have to become more well rounded, change things up, and try new things. I do dread colder weather and the end of the biking season but I will also enjoy getting back to the gym to take classes and see some familiar and friendly faces.
3. To record 1 Million miles on my Fitbit - During this period I registered 1, 476,197 steps on my Fitbit. That's a lot of steps. Getting steps for me can be so hard working and sitting at a desk all day. So I have been trying to make a conscious effort to getting up more, trying different things to do to add a few more steps each day. Since I've been biking more and missing classes, I have been spending more time in the morning getting some walking in (and even little bits of jogging). I really want to try jogging, or dare I say even running more, but I feel like I need to wait until biking season is over before diving into this more. My continued goal is try try keep my daily average at 10,000 steps.
As September comes to an end, I have a few days to sit down and come up with some new goals for the upcoming month(s). Stay tuned.
Biking - Well, from seeing my goals section above you know that I have spent a good deal of time on the bike over the summer. Morning rides, after work rides, weekend rides, short rides, long rides. If the weather was nice and I had the time, I tried to get out on the bike and get in at least a few miles. I spend time both on the GAP and the C&O during my rides. Of course the bike riding it so much fun, and getting some great exercise is fabulous, but it is so nice to be outside enjoying nature and the beautiful weather we have had over the summer. I really have to thank Miss Karen for having that extra bike, introducing me to the GAP, and taking me on a few rides last summer. I can't believe in the 11 plus years that I lived down here in Maryland I am just recently finding out about the hidden gems of bike trails that we have here. Such a blessing. And the beautiful thing is each time to ride you see different sites, people, scenery. From staring in the Spring and staring to see things bloom, to summer and all of the beautiful bold colors, flowers, wildlife. Last week you can start to see Fall kicking in. I am hoping the weather is great over the next month to enjoy the seasons change on the bike trail. I remember some of the colors I saw last year and was reminded why Fall is clearly one of my favorite seasons. Below are some pictures of some of my summers trips on both sides of the trail. On the GAP I have now made it as far as Rockwood and on the C&O I have made it as far as Old Town.
Vacation - For months I have been looking forward to this, a trip back to Maine. The thought about this trip has brought so many emotions - excitement, happiness, nervousness, fear. I know what you are probably thinking, nervousness and fear, what? This happens when I haven't been home for a while. Something in me always thinks that people will forget about me, realize they don't miss me as much as they thought they did, not like me anymore. I know, how silly, right? The last time I was home was back in October 2012 - almost two years ago. Add onto that I was also 100 pounds heavier. I have been through so many changes in the last two years - physically, emotionally, and so many other ways. I have been worried about what my family and friends would think. I think of my Mom who many times during phone conversations would tell me that I was taking good care of myself, not eating, doing unhealthy things to lose the weight. I know that she was just worried about me and I guess because she couldn't see me in person to see what I was doing that was her way of expressing it.
Anyway, fast forward two years and to the day I flew home, on my 41st birthday. In the last 11 plus years I have been flying back and forth to Maine I have struggled with weight issues and flying. Since the beginning I could never close shut the seatbelt on the plane. There were so many times I would pretend to put it together and then put a jacket or sweater over my lap. Probably not the safest thing. Then one time the flight attendant noticed that I wasn't buckled in, she asked me to buckle in. I told her I couldn't and it wouldn't fit. Everyone around me heard it and I was mortified "Oh, look, the fat girl can't buckle her seatbelt". She brought me a seat belt extender and told me to be sure to return it to her after the flight. From them on, each time I asked for the extender I felt so embarrassed. Then there is seat room. It was always a tight fit and if a full flight I sometimes sat besides people that weren't very nice that they had to share their space. I remember one time in particular where a women looked at me said "you should have bought two seats". A few others around her laughed. Again, mortified. So, this time around I went to get on the plane and it was a full flight. There weren't many seats available by the time I got on so I basically had to find an empty seat and just get seated. I found a seat and sat down. Oh my, there was extra room between me and the guy beside me....phew. Then came the time to put on the seat belt. Not only did I get it closed but I had extra room and was able to tighten it. Yup...I cried. It's funny the little things that permanently stick in your head and never go away. No more extended seat belts and no more looks, snickers, and so on about being the "fat girl" on the plane.
From the moment I got off the plane I was surrounded by family, friends, and lots of love. I really couldn't get over and had a hard time with some of the reactions. Without even a word I could just see the look on their faces....pride, excitement, just pure happiness for me and what I have accomplished. It was so nice. That being said, there is still something that I have to work on...taking compliments. I really never have and just don't do it very well. I remember one particular case where my cousin comes up to me at my homecoming party, gives me a great big hug, and says "you look so skinny". Instead of saying thank you my response was "No, I'm not". I don't know why I just can't take compliments well but I really need to learn to take it in, embrace it, and say thank you. Something to continue to work on. And I remember my Mom, when we finally had some alone time. She gave me hug and said to me "after finally seeing you in person I now know how much hard work you have been doing and that you have been doing the right and the healthy way. I am so proud of you". That meant the world to me.
Such a great trip and so much different than usual. Most usually when I go home I am on the go and always on the run, tiring myself out to see as many people as possible. This time (maybe because it had been so long since visits) I decided to stay close to home and relax. I am bummed that I didn't get to see as many people, but I have to admit I left Maine feeling so much more rested and relaxed than I usually do. Usually by the time I get back home to Maryland I am exhausted. Lot's of family time, some best friend time, some football time, some nephew time. I actually managed to even get in lots of walking. One night my mother, sister, and I cooked dinner together. Mom and I had gone to the local farmer's market and picked up some fresh veggies. It was nice to cook a healthy meal with the family. I actually got the family to try spaghetti squash and made them roasted carrots, and of course had to have Wyman's fresh corn on the cob. I ate pretty good while I was home but had to pass up the broiled option and get fried seafood. I nomally don't eat much fried food, but this was definitely an exception. I didn't have any red hot dogs while I was home but I did pack some into my suitcase to have the occasional indulgence after getting back home. The one bad habit I did get back into was drinking soda again. I drank a lot of water too, but every time I was out I caught myself ordering soda again. Forgot how much I missed the bubbles. So needless to say, I need get back to gradually removing that again from the daily "diet". Below are a few pics from vacation. I didn't even take a lot of pictures this time, too busy relaxing.
There have been some tough and emotional times lately (which I don't care to get into at this point). But all is well and it is time for me get back to focusing on me again, embracing life, and not letting others distract me from myself.
Even on this sick day, I received a pretty exciting phone call this morning with some exciting news. In case anyone reads this I will keep you all guessing until it is official.
October brings a busy month. Hopefully more biking, a breast cancer walk, and whatever else life brings my way.
Until then.....time to continue this journey and get back to taking care of me again.
Lots of love and blessings.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Conquering Dakota
Can you believe it....a during the week post plus I just posted a couple of days ago. Maybe I'm going to get better at this whole blog posting more often thing...ha ha ha. Don't start holding your breath. Today just felt like a post worthy day.
Sunday evening was a great night sleep which was a rare thing over the weekend. When the alarm went off at 5 AM my first thought was to turn over and enjoy a couple more hours of sleep but I wanted to try to start the week off on the right foot. So I got up, got ready, and headed to the gym. If I got there when they opened at 5:30 I would have time to get a workout in and then come home and get ready to work. On the plus side, I had made two days worth of salad so that was one less thing that I had to do in the morning. I spent an hour on the treadmill. Usually a fast walk, I was pretty happy that this morning I was able to slow jog (or as I call it slog) for 30 of my 60 minutes.
That's the most I have done at one time and I felt pretty good. My knees were feeling great. So I finished my workout, went home, showered and got ready for work. I even made time to make breakfast, and no not a bowl of cereal. I had a couple of eggs, a couple of turkey sausage patties, and half of a flatout. Good to know that if I can plan ahead, have my lunch already made, and no loiter in the morning, I can have the time to make a good hot breakfast.
So I got to work and the day was going well until a couple of hours in. A wicked bad headache was setting in, to the point it was making me sick to my stomach. Automatically I knew what it is.....that damned time of the month. Really???? Mother nature was going to screw with my plan to get things back on track this week. I fought through the work day, managed to make it as productive as possible. At 3:30 though I hit a wall. It was getting harder and harder to focus and concentrate and with the glare coming from my computer screen, I had had enough. I was really hoping I could fight through it because Monday was Zumba night. I had also decided that I was going to try to do Combat class afterwards but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to do it. So I ended up canceling my classes, went home, and crawled into bed. I dozed off for a couple of hours, got up and felt a little better. I had a little bite to eat, called Dad, and went to bed early. No time on the computer or FB that night.
Tuesday morning my alarm went off again at 5 AM. My head was feeling so much better, but not feeling my finest or at 100%. But I have found that during that time of the month even though sometimes it is hard to fight through, I know unless it is one of those days that I can barely function (which you never know when it is going to happen), I tend to get some relief and feel a little better when I am exercising. I had already taken lunch to work the day before so I knew I didn't have to worry about that. I had also taken my bike to work on Monday. I like keeping my bike at the office during the week. That way I know it is already there and makes it easier to decide to do those short morning rides before work. So I got up, got dressed, and packed a bag with some work clothes and another change of clothes for a bike ride and headed out. Tuesday morning is Fusion class with Megan which is a mix of Body Pump and Body Combat. I love the combination. Had a good class, showered, changed into my biking clothes, and was going to head to the office to get my bike. But I was starving. I hadn't had any breakfast yet, and the only thing I had packed was some oatmeal and I knew that wasn't going to cut it, especially if I was also going to do a bike ride. I had some time so I actually stopped at Bob Evans and enjoyed a nice breakfast...scrambled eggs, sausage patties, home fries, and wheat toast. YUM!!! That hit the spot and I didn't feel like I was eating horribly.
I got to work around 8AM. My co-worker Mark was already there and had already left on his bike so I knew I was on my own. I figured I would just head down to the canal and back, just a little short cruise. I am thankful the GAP trail is not very far from the office. You have to ride on the road a little, but then you are there. However, to get on the trail you have to go up Dakota Avenue....this wonderful hill. Since I started riding from work I have probably been on Dakota 30 plus times. Each time walking up the hill until I get to the trail. There have been days where I start riding up and think I'm going to make it today and for whatever reason (my brain says no, my body says no, a car comes down the hill, I start in the wrong gear, etc.) I never make it up. Today I really hadn't thought much about it but before I knew it I was halfway up the hill. That little voice in my head said "OK, now is about the time you give up". I thought no way, not today, I AM going to make it all the way. And I did!!! Once I got to the trail, my heart was beating like crazy, my legs were like rubber, and yes I started to cry. I made it!!! My first thought...oh no, no one was here to witness it. UGH!!! After taking a few moments to gather myself and get my heart rate down and legs working properly, I went on my ride before work. I got around 7.5 miles in.
Work was work....numbers, numbers, numbers, rec sheets, blah, blah, blah.
The weather today was BEAUTIFUL and I had originally signed up for gym classes. But Tuesday night the Western Maryland Wheelmen do a couple of rides, one on the road and one on the GAP. I haven't yet made a Tuesday night ride. Every other week is my weight management support group at the hospital and every week I haven't had my group it has rained. I knew I needed to cancel my gym classes and get outside for a ride. So glad I did. The ride starts from the Canal. I debated on driving my car down but I knew I wanted to leave my bike at the office for a ride tomorrow morning so I figured I would just ride down from the office. So, for the second time of the day I faced Dakota and I made it up without stopped or walking again. While this may not happen every day, today just seemed like the perfect day and I felt really accomplished. I know it's just a little hill, but I tend to get in my own head and tell myself I can't do things. The fact that I did it twice in one day and given I wasn't feeling fabulous I was pretty happy.
It was nice to some familiar faces and lots of new ones down at the Canal. I even got a hug which is always nice. There were so many more people going out for the road ride. I thought someday I will join the road ride, maybe next year with a road bike, but until then I joined the GAP ride. I enjoy this ride but I must admit I really wasn't feeling the incline after going up Dakota again and feeling all crampy and icky. But I told myself just go a little ways and then you go back to your car. I figure I need to do this ride at least once a week from now until the charity ride. I would like to be able to improve on my Cumberland to Frostburg time on the day of the charity ride. I started off riding with a couple of ladies that I met but eventually I ended up passing them both and was riding by myself. I made it past Dakota, Manteo, Cash Valley, the Brush Tunnel, and was still going. It's normally a two hour ride but I wasn't sure if there was spot that they usually went to. There was a couple of people that were ahead of me. I thought if I see them coming back, I will turn around and head back. A couple of the wheelemen that were doing the ride were behind me and staying in the back to stick with those pulling up the rear. I really like and appreciate that they do this. It can be pretty intimidating to join a ride with seasoned veterans and worry that you are going to hold people up or not keep up. They really welcome everyone and want you to be comfortable and really just get out there and ride. I knew I was getting to a point where I was ready to turn around and all of a sudden I heard people coming up behind me. Then I heard "you're almost there, just right around the corner". I went from I'm done, to I can finish this. I kicked it into another gear and pushed to get to Woodcock Hollow. It felt good to make it to the regular turnaround spot. I rested for a little bit and then made the decline ride back, which of course is always the best part. Usually the wheelmen meet at a local restaurant and have dinner. I really wanted to do this but I knew I had already had dinner made, am trying to keep with my plan (although this is going to be difficult in the next few days given that TOM), and I knew I needed to make my lunch for the next couple of days so I could avoid going out and getting something else (more than likely unhealthy) for lunch.
During this time I tend to get two very big craving.....chocolate and salty. I knew I didn't have any chips in the apartment (phew) but when I opened the fridge to get the stuff to make my salads I was reminded of a purchase I had made a few weeks ago while on a trip to Sam's Club in Altoona. I like to keep some dark chocolate in the house for when I have a chocolate craving but usually I buy the package of individually wrapped Dove dark chocolates. I didn't do that this time. This is what was in my fridge -
So after dinner of course I had to have one. I may have to find someplace to hide these for the next couple of days. At least it is dark chocolate and that is good for you?????
Allright, I should be going to bed, gotta get some sleep (lots of fresh air tonight so hopefully a good night's sleep). Up again early tomorrow. Either some gym time then a bike ride or just a bike ride before work. Lunch is ready in the fridge, gym bag and clothes for work packed, so nothing much to do in the AM besides get my ass out of bed and moving.
A good day.....Goodnight!!! :)
Sunday evening was a great night sleep which was a rare thing over the weekend. When the alarm went off at 5 AM my first thought was to turn over and enjoy a couple more hours of sleep but I wanted to try to start the week off on the right foot. So I got up, got ready, and headed to the gym. If I got there when they opened at 5:30 I would have time to get a workout in and then come home and get ready to work. On the plus side, I had made two days worth of salad so that was one less thing that I had to do in the morning. I spent an hour on the treadmill. Usually a fast walk, I was pretty happy that this morning I was able to slow jog (or as I call it slog) for 30 of my 60 minutes.
So I got to work and the day was going well until a couple of hours in. A wicked bad headache was setting in, to the point it was making me sick to my stomach. Automatically I knew what it is.....that damned time of the month. Really???? Mother nature was going to screw with my plan to get things back on track this week. I fought through the work day, managed to make it as productive as possible. At 3:30 though I hit a wall. It was getting harder and harder to focus and concentrate and with the glare coming from my computer screen, I had had enough. I was really hoping I could fight through it because Monday was Zumba night. I had also decided that I was going to try to do Combat class afterwards but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to do it. So I ended up canceling my classes, went home, and crawled into bed. I dozed off for a couple of hours, got up and felt a little better. I had a little bite to eat, called Dad, and went to bed early. No time on the computer or FB that night.
Tuesday morning my alarm went off again at 5 AM. My head was feeling so much better, but not feeling my finest or at 100%. But I have found that during that time of the month even though sometimes it is hard to fight through, I know unless it is one of those days that I can barely function (which you never know when it is going to happen), I tend to get some relief and feel a little better when I am exercising. I had already taken lunch to work the day before so I knew I didn't have to worry about that. I had also taken my bike to work on Monday. I like keeping my bike at the office during the week. That way I know it is already there and makes it easier to decide to do those short morning rides before work. So I got up, got dressed, and packed a bag with some work clothes and another change of clothes for a bike ride and headed out. Tuesday morning is Fusion class with Megan which is a mix of Body Pump and Body Combat. I love the combination. Had a good class, showered, changed into my biking clothes, and was going to head to the office to get my bike. But I was starving. I hadn't had any breakfast yet, and the only thing I had packed was some oatmeal and I knew that wasn't going to cut it, especially if I was also going to do a bike ride. I had some time so I actually stopped at Bob Evans and enjoyed a nice breakfast...scrambled eggs, sausage patties, home fries, and wheat toast. YUM!!! That hit the spot and I didn't feel like I was eating horribly.
I got to work around 8AM. My co-worker Mark was already there and had already left on his bike so I knew I was on my own. I figured I would just head down to the canal and back, just a little short cruise. I am thankful the GAP trail is not very far from the office. You have to ride on the road a little, but then you are there. However, to get on the trail you have to go up Dakota Avenue....this wonderful hill. Since I started riding from work I have probably been on Dakota 30 plus times. Each time walking up the hill until I get to the trail. There have been days where I start riding up and think I'm going to make it today and for whatever reason (my brain says no, my body says no, a car comes down the hill, I start in the wrong gear, etc.) I never make it up. Today I really hadn't thought much about it but before I knew it I was halfway up the hill. That little voice in my head said "OK, now is about the time you give up". I thought no way, not today, I AM going to make it all the way. And I did!!! Once I got to the trail, my heart was beating like crazy, my legs were like rubber, and yes I started to cry. I made it!!! My first thought...oh no, no one was here to witness it. UGH!!! After taking a few moments to gather myself and get my heart rate down and legs working properly, I went on my ride before work. I got around 7.5 miles in.
Work was work....numbers, numbers, numbers, rec sheets, blah, blah, blah.
The weather today was BEAUTIFUL and I had originally signed up for gym classes. But Tuesday night the Western Maryland Wheelmen do a couple of rides, one on the road and one on the GAP. I haven't yet made a Tuesday night ride. Every other week is my weight management support group at the hospital and every week I haven't had my group it has rained. I knew I needed to cancel my gym classes and get outside for a ride. So glad I did. The ride starts from the Canal. I debated on driving my car down but I knew I wanted to leave my bike at the office for a ride tomorrow morning so I figured I would just ride down from the office. So, for the second time of the day I faced Dakota and I made it up without stopped or walking again. While this may not happen every day, today just seemed like the perfect day and I felt really accomplished. I know it's just a little hill, but I tend to get in my own head and tell myself I can't do things. The fact that I did it twice in one day and given I wasn't feeling fabulous I was pretty happy.
Allright, I should be going to bed, gotta get some sleep (lots of fresh air tonight so hopefully a good night's sleep). Up again early tomorrow. Either some gym time then a bike ride or just a bike ride before work. Lunch is ready in the fridge, gym bag and clothes for work packed, so nothing much to do in the AM besides get my ass out of bed and moving.
A good day.....Goodnight!!! :)
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Back to the basics
Let's start with the numbers since my last post. On July 15th I had to weigh in for the end of the 2nd month of my DietBet. Let's just say I was pleasantly surprised with the results.
With a week to before official weigh in it didn't look for me make the number I had to to win. I spent the week trying to be very mindful of everything I was putting into my body and my workouts were in beast mode. Every day I tried to give myself a goal of how many calories I wanted to burn. I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and got on the scale. Woo hoo...I made it!!! So for month two I won $32.72 with my two month total winnings of $50.69. I told myself I can't wait until the last week to keep doing this. The reason I did this DietBet was to get myself back on track, and it is working to a point, but it also got me to where I am back to being obsessed with "the numbers" again which was definitely a huge hindrance for me after I reached my 100 pound goal last September and one of the reasons why I fell apart for the last quarter of the year. Four more months to go with this DietBet. I only have 2.1 pounds to lose in the 3rd round....I should be able to do it, but we shall see. I'm not sure yet if I will do any official weigh ins, but I might randomly jump on the scale just to check in to see where I am and avoid things from getting out of control.
Fast forward to now...The last week has found me once again struggling with the one thing that is always going to be my achilles heel on this whole journey.....the FOOD!!!! Let's face it, I LOVE food - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Through this journey I have found things that would have never tried a couple of years ago and have fallen in love with. I have stayed away from certain things and then after a period of time tried them again and didn't miss them at all. Quite frankly, I was pretty happy they did nothing for me when I tried them again. But then there are the things that I tried again and oh how I still love them. I have done a lot of reading on food addiction and while I think I definitely have this problem, the fact remains there are things that just push my buttons and just make the "old" me rear its ugly head. The me that could easily sit down and eat a large pizza in one sitting, the one that could consume thousands of calories without even blinking an eye or probably even taking a breath. I have learnt so much between then and now but those feelings and thoughts are still there. I try to take each day one at a time, not beat myself up about the bad decisions, and get up each day with a fresh start. As I have said before and will say many many many more times.....this is not a diet and will forever be a lifestyle change. I can only hope that the bad days get smaller and fewer over time and that just the look or thought of a certain food won't make me cower into a corner with fear.
The quote about is SO true. I remember that period of time last year that I gained back those 20 some pounds. I was still at the gym doing my regular normal schedule and was killing it, but I was eating like crap. So, after too many indulgences lately it is time to get back on track with the food. To get the ball rolling today I got back into planning and prepping my meals for the week. For me, this is a huge part of my past successes. My week tends to get so busy and if I know I don't have anything prepared at home I will stop and get something. Sometimes I pick a healthy option, but not always. I'm hoping this big step will be the catalyst and big step forward again.
I need to get back into my healthy eating habits and keep it going for the next month. This way when I go home for vacation in 40 days it won't all just fall apart. I know it is vacation and I know there will be things that I will enjoy that I normally don't but I know that if I am back into my good habits it will be easier to stick to the good stuff without wrecking things completely.
With the bad eating, I immediately see where it affects me.....my midsection. Not that this "fat girl" will ever have abs of steel but when I am eating right the exercising that I am doing has definitely decreased the size of my gut.
While I know that number on the scale does not define me, my successes or failures, I do know that the number does need to go down more (even though my Mom thinks I need to stop losing). In my current state I am still considered obese and I know to try to avoid future problems with my health I know I need to get out of that column. What that final number should be for me personally....I haven't a flipping clue. I'm hoping that my body will know when that time is. Until then, I have so much more work to do.
All right, enough about the food because I might get hungry again and it is almost time bed. I know what I need to do, I just NEED TO DO IT, enough said.
I have been doing a lot more biking in the last week. I managed to go out three mornings before work and have strung together some nice rides. I have logged 100 miles in the last week and have 641 miles since I got my bike. Pretty good, since my goal was to put 500 miles on my bike before the end of summer. The miles add up pretty quickly and sometimes it is so easy to realize you are getting such a great workout because you are having so much fun.
I signed up for my first charity ride this week. The local biking group I joined, the Western Maryland Wheelmen, is doing this charity ride in August. I have chosen the open to ride the GAP from Cumberland to Frostburg, which I have done before. I'm hoping to get some others around me to join me but if not I am going to try to use this ride as one to improve the time of the first time I did this route. The charity ride also has a bunch of road ride options with different mileage. Maybe next year I can do one of those instead (well, if I finally break down and get that road bike next Spring...we shall see). I also went to my first membership meeting this week. I really enjoyed it. It seemed like a pretty good group of people and I got a huge surprise. During the meeting this one lady was talking about something and I thought that voice sounds really familiar. At the end of the meeting I went up her with so much excitement. I had met Mary during the first time I took the Change to Win class at the hospital. It was so great to see her and know that she is part of this group. I was also approached to be a Trail Ambassador. It may not seem like a big deal to most, but I am so excited about this. I think the opportunity to get out there do something you enjoy and be able to help people, promote this wonderful trail that we have in this area, and keep a great program like this going is awesome. I need to do a little homework. I know I've lived down here 11 years now, but there is still so much about the area I don't know. I need to start checking out local places so that when people ask about places to stay, eat I can give them educated answers. I also need to learn more about the bike so that way if someone needs some help I can try to offer some kind of assistance. I did learn to change a tire in bike class. Let's just hope I remember how to do it, although deep down I really hope I never have to. I've met some pretty great and nice people on the trail. If I can help anyone out, or even answer a question for them....it would be pretty cool.
I'm still doing my thing at the gym, although it has been scaled back for sure since I am doing more biking, and that is OK. I try not to miss Zumba on Monday, because let's face it I LOVE LOVE LOVE to dance!!! Zumba is just so much fun, is a great thing to do after a busy Monday work day, and I get to see those around me that make me smile. Sometimes I will try to add Body Combat afterwards but whether I do or not depends on my schedule and what else is going on. Tuesday mornings are usually 6AM Body Fusion. I haven't been making as many of these lately....either because of morning bike rides, being out of town for baseball games, or just having a hard time getting out of bed. Tuesday nights are hit and miss. Every other week I have my weight management support group at the hospital, so on those weeks I don't have group I have been wanting to do the weekly Wheelmen ride on the GAP but every time I haven't had group it has rained. The one Tuesday that it rained I was able to get into Spin class, which I love. So I'm glad I can still fit that in. Wednesday I try to Zumba or Combat but it depends on the schedule or whether I do a bike ride. The one night I have been missing all-together is Thursday. This used to be the night I would take Booty Barre followed up by Body Pump. I really miss this night. I'm really hoping to get back into both of these. Booty Barre is tough though and to be honest being out of it for so long, I am a bit scared. It is an ass kicker for sure. But in the past it was one of the classes that reinforced to me how important it was to eat clean. Eating clean made this class, and in particular the ab section a little easier. So it definitely scares me...but I will get back in there, and hopefully soon. Friday morning is 6AM Combat. This has been hit or miss too depending on a bike ride. I've been trying to also spend morning if I am not riding by just getting some time in on the treadmill but that has been slacking. When I'm not riding the bike in the morning, I just have a really hard time getting out of that comfy bed. But I figure it is OK some mornings. Gotta rest sometime right???
Weekends are usually dependent on the weather because of bike riding. I figure if the weather is nice, I should be outside. But when it is raining....spin is definitely where I like to be, Combat if I can get out of bed, and on Sunday morning Pump. I didn't do any of them this weekend. I felt like a little bit of a slacker. Saturday morning was spent in bed catching up a friend after not sleeping well that night and then Sunday I knew I had to sleep in if I could.
So exercise is always there, in many different forms, types. The exercise helps with so many different things. It makes me happy, it helps get me through a tough day, it is my anti-depressant, my social outing, my everything. I think of the day that I thought ewwww sweat, but now I love it when I sweat...
So until time here's to keeping on track, trying to eat clean, getting my sweat on, and forever finding that balance between all things in life, and above all loving myself for who I was, who I currently am, and who I strive to be.
With a week to before official weigh in it didn't look for me make the number I had to to win. I spent the week trying to be very mindful of everything I was putting into my body and my workouts were in beast mode. Every day I tried to give myself a goal of how many calories I wanted to burn. I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and got on the scale. Woo hoo...I made it!!! So for month two I won $32.72 with my two month total winnings of $50.69. I told myself I can't wait until the last week to keep doing this. The reason I did this DietBet was to get myself back on track, and it is working to a point, but it also got me to where I am back to being obsessed with "the numbers" again which was definitely a huge hindrance for me after I reached my 100 pound goal last September and one of the reasons why I fell apart for the last quarter of the year. Four more months to go with this DietBet. I only have 2.1 pounds to lose in the 3rd round....I should be able to do it, but we shall see. I'm not sure yet if I will do any official weigh ins, but I might randomly jump on the scale just to check in to see where I am and avoid things from getting out of control.
Fast forward to now...The last week has found me once again struggling with the one thing that is always going to be my achilles heel on this whole journey.....the FOOD!!!! Let's face it, I LOVE food - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Through this journey I have found things that would have never tried a couple of years ago and have fallen in love with. I have stayed away from certain things and then after a period of time tried them again and didn't miss them at all. Quite frankly, I was pretty happy they did nothing for me when I tried them again. But then there are the things that I tried again and oh how I still love them. I have done a lot of reading on food addiction and while I think I definitely have this problem, the fact remains there are things that just push my buttons and just make the "old" me rear its ugly head. The me that could easily sit down and eat a large pizza in one sitting, the one that could consume thousands of calories without even blinking an eye or probably even taking a breath. I have learnt so much between then and now but those feelings and thoughts are still there. I try to take each day one at a time, not beat myself up about the bad decisions, and get up each day with a fresh start. As I have said before and will say many many many more times.....this is not a diet and will forever be a lifestyle change. I can only hope that the bad days get smaller and fewer over time and that just the look or thought of a certain food won't make me cower into a corner with fear.
I need to get back into my healthy eating habits and keep it going for the next month. This way when I go home for vacation in 40 days it won't all just fall apart. I know it is vacation and I know there will be things that I will enjoy that I normally don't but I know that if I am back into my good habits it will be easier to stick to the good stuff without wrecking things completely.
With the bad eating, I immediately see where it affects me.....my midsection. Not that this "fat girl" will ever have abs of steel but when I am eating right the exercising that I am doing has definitely decreased the size of my gut.
While I know that number on the scale does not define me, my successes or failures, I do know that the number does need to go down more (even though my Mom thinks I need to stop losing). In my current state I am still considered obese and I know to try to avoid future problems with my health I know I need to get out of that column. What that final number should be for me personally....I haven't a flipping clue. I'm hoping that my body will know when that time is. Until then, I have so much more work to do.
All right, enough about the food because I might get hungry again and it is almost time bed. I know what I need to do, I just NEED TO DO IT, enough said.
I have been doing a lot more biking in the last week. I managed to go out three mornings before work and have strung together some nice rides. I have logged 100 miles in the last week and have 641 miles since I got my bike. Pretty good, since my goal was to put 500 miles on my bike before the end of summer. The miles add up pretty quickly and sometimes it is so easy to realize you are getting such a great workout because you are having so much fun.
I signed up for my first charity ride this week. The local biking group I joined, the Western Maryland Wheelmen, is doing this charity ride in August. I have chosen the open to ride the GAP from Cumberland to Frostburg, which I have done before. I'm hoping to get some others around me to join me but if not I am going to try to use this ride as one to improve the time of the first time I did this route. The charity ride also has a bunch of road ride options with different mileage. Maybe next year I can do one of those instead (well, if I finally break down and get that road bike next Spring...we shall see). I also went to my first membership meeting this week. I really enjoyed it. It seemed like a pretty good group of people and I got a huge surprise. During the meeting this one lady was talking about something and I thought that voice sounds really familiar. At the end of the meeting I went up her with so much excitement. I had met Mary during the first time I took the Change to Win class at the hospital. It was so great to see her and know that she is part of this group. I was also approached to be a Trail Ambassador. It may not seem like a big deal to most, but I am so excited about this. I think the opportunity to get out there do something you enjoy and be able to help people, promote this wonderful trail that we have in this area, and keep a great program like this going is awesome. I need to do a little homework. I know I've lived down here 11 years now, but there is still so much about the area I don't know. I need to start checking out local places so that when people ask about places to stay, eat I can give them educated answers. I also need to learn more about the bike so that way if someone needs some help I can try to offer some kind of assistance. I did learn to change a tire in bike class. Let's just hope I remember how to do it, although deep down I really hope I never have to. I've met some pretty great and nice people on the trail. If I can help anyone out, or even answer a question for them....it would be pretty cool.
I'm still doing my thing at the gym, although it has been scaled back for sure since I am doing more biking, and that is OK. I try not to miss Zumba on Monday, because let's face it I LOVE LOVE LOVE to dance!!! Zumba is just so much fun, is a great thing to do after a busy Monday work day, and I get to see those around me that make me smile. Sometimes I will try to add Body Combat afterwards but whether I do or not depends on my schedule and what else is going on. Tuesday mornings are usually 6AM Body Fusion. I haven't been making as many of these lately....either because of morning bike rides, being out of town for baseball games, or just having a hard time getting out of bed. Tuesday nights are hit and miss. Every other week I have my weight management support group at the hospital, so on those weeks I don't have group I have been wanting to do the weekly Wheelmen ride on the GAP but every time I haven't had group it has rained. The one Tuesday that it rained I was able to get into Spin class, which I love. So I'm glad I can still fit that in. Wednesday I try to Zumba or Combat but it depends on the schedule or whether I do a bike ride. The one night I have been missing all-together is Thursday. This used to be the night I would take Booty Barre followed up by Body Pump. I really miss this night. I'm really hoping to get back into both of these. Booty Barre is tough though and to be honest being out of it for so long, I am a bit scared. It is an ass kicker for sure. But in the past it was one of the classes that reinforced to me how important it was to eat clean. Eating clean made this class, and in particular the ab section a little easier. So it definitely scares me...but I will get back in there, and hopefully soon. Friday morning is 6AM Combat. This has been hit or miss too depending on a bike ride. I've been trying to also spend morning if I am not riding by just getting some time in on the treadmill but that has been slacking. When I'm not riding the bike in the morning, I just have a really hard time getting out of that comfy bed. But I figure it is OK some mornings. Gotta rest sometime right???
Weekends are usually dependent on the weather because of bike riding. I figure if the weather is nice, I should be outside. But when it is raining....spin is definitely where I like to be, Combat if I can get out of bed, and on Sunday morning Pump. I didn't do any of them this weekend. I felt like a little bit of a slacker. Saturday morning was spent in bed catching up a friend after not sleeping well that night and then Sunday I knew I had to sleep in if I could.
So exercise is always there, in many different forms, types. The exercise helps with so many different things. It makes me happy, it helps get me through a tough day, it is my anti-depressant, my social outing, my everything. I think of the day that I thought ewwww sweat, but now I love it when I sweat...
Friday, July 11, 2014
A Busy Summer So Far...
WOW....I haven't posted in my blog since May 24th. That is horrible!!! I'm really sucking at keeping up with the whole blog thing. My problem is every time I think about doing a post I think oh I don't have enough to write about. Then I get busy and now there are so many things. What I need to try to do is stop thinking something is too small. Even if a post is a few short paragraphs, at least I'm keeping up with things. That being said, as much as I have missed blogging I have to say it really is more important to be out there doing things and keeping active instead of sitting in front of the computer.
So, what's been going on with me since I last posted...
In May I started my DietBet. As I had previously posted the reason for doing the DietBet was to get myself back on track by putting a little money on the line. I am doing the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans "Commit To Your Fit" transformer game. The transformer game is 6 months long and in that time you need to lost 10% of your weight. While that is end goal, each month you are also given a percentage to win. For month one the percentage to lose was 3%. My starting weight for the challenge was 246.4. At the end of the first month (middle of June) I weighed in at 233.8.
So I crushed the first month and was pretty happy with how the month went. I'm going to attribute a lot of this change due to a food challenge I was doing...Julie's 21 Day Challenge.
During the 21 days of the challenge I had lost 8 pounds. Most of the things on the list were pretty easy to give up. Chocolate might have been the hardest. I was pretty pleased with how the whole thing went.
Onto month 2....I hadn't stepped on the scale once in month two. This week came around and I realized that there was only a little over a week until official weigh in day. I figured I better get on the scale and see where I was. In month 2, the percentage to lose is 6% and because I had such a good first month I only needed to get to 231.6 to win for the month. I stepped on the scale and saw the following number - 237.8. At first I was like WHAT?!?!?!?!? How in the hell did that happen? For a brief second I was a little upset, but that passed. The old me would have been depressed and probably would have starved myself for the entire week to get to the goal number. The current version of me...NOPE. While I may not win the month 2 portion of the DietBet, it is not the end of the world. So what happened you ask? While I am not going to sit here, question, and nitpick every single thing I did in the last month...there are a couple of things that come to mind. Let's start with the food....while I have eaten well in the last month (minus a few indulgences, but that's life and reality) I have eaten a lot more than I normally do. I haven't been logging my food and counting my calories. I have to say I have had a wicked appetite this month. My portions (even if healthy) have been much bigger. And I know the combination for weight loss is both the exercise and watching the calories. Then, I think I have gained some muscle. I can see changes in my body in certain areas. I think wonder with all of the biking I am doing if I some of that muscle is in my legs, they certainly feel stronger with the climbs I have been doing. So....I am going to officially weigh in next week with whatever the number might be and move onto month 3. I'm going to try to go back to logging my food and counting calories.
In June I participated in the completed my first 5K. My friend Gloria and I did Run or Dye, a very fun day. While my friend does do some running I really am not much of a runner. I will occasionally try to up the speed on the treadmill and do a little jogging. It is really hard on my knees, but I try to do a little here and there. So my goal for the day was to alternate between walking and a slow jog. I have to say Gloria was so supportive of me. I kept telling her that I hope I don't slow her down. She said "this is your race today, we will go at your pace". That was so wonderful of her and I felt much more relaxed. In the end I think it helped me to jog more than I had planned. While it wasn't timed it was very casual and fun. Strategically placed through the course were dye stations where you would get covered with different colors of dye. I really enjoyed the day, the company of my friend Gloria. It was so nice to share this first with her and I so appreciate her being there to push me, inspire me, and motivate me. I definitely don't want to give up on the idea of jogging more, but I feel like I need to get a little more weight off my knees for this to happen. Maybe my next 5K will be a timed race with more running. We shall see.
Since my last post I have really gotten more into the whole biking thing. In my last post I had completed my end of summer goal - which was biking the GAP trail from Cumberland to Frostburg and back. So I made a new end of summer goal, to ride the trail from Cumberland to Deal. This is around 50 miles. I've been trying to ride 3 to 5 times a week. What I have been doing is getting in some smaller rides in the morning before work. These were great ways to get some riding in and making the most of my morning. While the week gave me some great short rides, the weekends are when I usually kicked it up a notch. I have been gradually trying to increase the mileage. I've also been doing different parts of the trail, trying to change it up so I don't get bored with keeping to do the climb. There are so many beautiful areas on the trail (both the GAP and the C&O). Also, since finishing my bike class I am now a member of the Western Maryland Wheelmen, a local biking group. I have been out on a couple of rides with some of them and it has been so much fun. I even did a beginner's road ride and did much better than I ever thought I would. But I have to say I would never have made it through some of the hills without the help of Silvester, one of the members. He stayed with me for the whole ride, giving me pointers and tips which I needed (especially on shifting), and saying the right words to motivate me over each climb. I just couldn't nor can I thank him enough. I still am learning and still have so many things to learn but that day gave me so much more confidence in myself. I visually remember when Silvester and I came to the turnaround point where everyone else already was they were cheering me on and congratulating me for making it to that point. Everyone I have met in the group has been so nice and oh so supportive. It makes me think the skies are the limit in terms of biking. I can do whatever I want to do. I also did a group ride with some of the WMW on the C&O canal. We rode from Cumberland to Old Town and had lunch. It was a really nice ride, a great pace. At one point I was evening in the front of the pack leading the pace. I was told I was fast. That made me smile.
So, on the 4th of July it was such a beautiful morning and I knew it would be a great day for a ride. My plan for the day was no plan....just wanted to get out there and enjoy a beautiful morning/afternoon. A few miles in I just wasn't feeling it and thought this will be a short day. Thankfully I didn't stop....and as I went past each mile and I was feeling so much better. As I went past each landmark that I had previously passed in other rides, the better I felt. Then I made it Frostburg...which was my original summer goal. It was at that point that I just knew I was going to go the whole way to Deal. So after a little rest stop in Frostburg, it was time for forge ahead. As each mile passed I got more excited about the thought of what I was going to accomplish.
Then before I made it to my halfway point I had a very nice moment. I was sitting on one of the benches at the overlook before the Big Savage tunnel enjoying a snack and a water break. A woman that was having a picnic lunch with her family came over and long story short invited me to enjoy lunch with her family. This meant a lot because on holidays I really miss not being close to my family and it was nice to be a part of someone else's for a little bit. I enjoyed my lunch and the conversation, but then it was time finish my ride. I made it through the tunnel, past the Continental Divide and I could see the Deal trail head in my sights. I had made it. But me being the numbers person that I am I knew that the 25 mile marker was a little bit past the trail head so of course I had to get to that point. The emotions they were a flowing. It was a challenging tide up, between the incline and I was also going against a pretty good wind that day. But I did it!!!!! So I took a few moments to enjoy it and then it was time for the downhill ride back. I felt so great.
Since I have gotten my bike I have put 488.32 miles on it. Wow...I am really surprised at that number, it adds up quickly. I'm on the fence on whether or not to make a new end of summer goal or just savor reaching my goal and just enjoy the rest of the summer of biking. I really love my trail bike and I can't believe I am saying this but I have actually been online looking at road bikes. Yes, the person that said she really didn't want to do road riding. It was fun though and a road bike would make it much easier. Maybe a purchase for next spring...we shall see.
In addition to all the biking, I've also still been going to the gym, but not as much. Because of my busy schedule and trying to get more bike rides in I have been missing what used to be some of my favorite classes and nights. I honestly can't remember the last time I have been to a Booty Barre class. I really do miss it but I'm a little afraid to try it again. It is a booty kicker for sure. Hopefully I can get back into it real soon. I'm trying to have a very well rounded exercise routine, a little bit of this, a little of that....with a lot of biking. I'm really trying to incorporate a little bit of everything. The next thing I want to try....some yoga or pilates. I was doing some reading on people that bike that in different places I read that they also do yoga and pilates. Hmmmmmm....something to think about. I really can't see my body doing either very well, but like everything else, I need to keep an open mind.
I have to say I am feeling pretty great right now. Even with the weight gain that I have had I really haven't felt better. I feel like I am definitely on the right track for continued success and to become much healthier. While on one hand I know I would be happy if I never lost another pound, I know that I need to keep losing. I am still considered in the obese column and I know to live a long, happy and healthy life, I need get out of that column. I also know that with each pound lost I can get away from some of the problems that occur with being overweight. I know that things that I have in my family history and it makes me want to keep going. I also know that with each pound lost I can take off some more pressure off the the knees, and maybe just maybe be a runner someday.
What helps right now especially with the few pounds that I have put back on is all of the positive feedback I have gotten the last week or so. I have run into people who I haven't seen and the comments have been great. It really helps to hear to what they say. And there are those that I know that wouldn't tell me something if they didn't mean it. So they are really noticing the changes when I don't always. As I have said before, there are days that I look in the mirror and still see that FAT girl.
In the near future I need to get back to getting excited about the food. I have lost a little inspiration, so I need to get back into the kitchen and try some new things. So I need to take a little time to start looking up recipes, and get back into being addicted to pinterest again. There are so many great ideas. I also want to play more with smoothies and blended drinks. If I can get excited about the food again and not have the same old boring thing maybe that might help with the future progress.
In a couple of month I will finally be going home to Maine to see and spend some time with my family. I haven't been home for almost two years and I have so many mixed emotions about this trip. This journey has been all about me and becoming healthier and happier (which I have). I am just so nervous about the reaction of my family and friends back home. I hope they know that I am the same person, I just look smaller.
I could go on and on but I think I have hit the highlights since my last post. For the most part....work, gym, biking, eating, and sleeping.
Here's to making this blogging thing become more frequent again....I promise I will try.
So, what's been going on with me since I last posted...
In May I started my DietBet. As I had previously posted the reason for doing the DietBet was to get myself back on track by putting a little money on the line. I am doing the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans "Commit To Your Fit" transformer game. The transformer game is 6 months long and in that time you need to lost 10% of your weight. While that is end goal, each month you are also given a percentage to win. For month one the percentage to lose was 3%. My starting weight for the challenge was 246.4. At the end of the first month (middle of June) I weighed in at 233.8.
Onto month 2....I hadn't stepped on the scale once in month two. This week came around and I realized that there was only a little over a week until official weigh in day. I figured I better get on the scale and see where I was. In month 2, the percentage to lose is 6% and because I had such a good first month I only needed to get to 231.6 to win for the month. I stepped on the scale and saw the following number - 237.8. At first I was like WHAT?!?!?!?!? How in the hell did that happen? For a brief second I was a little upset, but that passed. The old me would have been depressed and probably would have starved myself for the entire week to get to the goal number. The current version of me...NOPE. While I may not win the month 2 portion of the DietBet, it is not the end of the world. So what happened you ask? While I am not going to sit here, question, and nitpick every single thing I did in the last month...there are a couple of things that come to mind. Let's start with the food....while I have eaten well in the last month (minus a few indulgences, but that's life and reality) I have eaten a lot more than I normally do. I haven't been logging my food and counting my calories. I have to say I have had a wicked appetite this month. My portions (even if healthy) have been much bigger. And I know the combination for weight loss is both the exercise and watching the calories. Then, I think I have gained some muscle. I can see changes in my body in certain areas. I think wonder with all of the biking I am doing if I some of that muscle is in my legs, they certainly feel stronger with the climbs I have been doing. So....I am going to officially weigh in next week with whatever the number might be and move onto month 3. I'm going to try to go back to logging my food and counting calories.
In June I participated in the completed my first 5K. My friend Gloria and I did Run or Dye, a very fun day. While my friend does do some running I really am not much of a runner. I will occasionally try to up the speed on the treadmill and do a little jogging. It is really hard on my knees, but I try to do a little here and there. So my goal for the day was to alternate between walking and a slow jog. I have to say Gloria was so supportive of me. I kept telling her that I hope I don't slow her down. She said "this is your race today, we will go at your pace". That was so wonderful of her and I felt much more relaxed. In the end I think it helped me to jog more than I had planned. While it wasn't timed it was very casual and fun. Strategically placed through the course were dye stations where you would get covered with different colors of dye. I really enjoyed the day, the company of my friend Gloria. It was so nice to share this first with her and I so appreciate her being there to push me, inspire me, and motivate me. I definitely don't want to give up on the idea of jogging more, but I feel like I need to get a little more weight off my knees for this to happen. Maybe my next 5K will be a timed race with more running. We shall see.
So, on the 4th of July it was such a beautiful morning and I knew it would be a great day for a ride. My plan for the day was no plan....just wanted to get out there and enjoy a beautiful morning/afternoon. A few miles in I just wasn't feeling it and thought this will be a short day. Thankfully I didn't stop....and as I went past each mile and I was feeling so much better. As I went past each landmark that I had previously passed in other rides, the better I felt. Then I made it Frostburg...which was my original summer goal. It was at that point that I just knew I was going to go the whole way to Deal. So after a little rest stop in Frostburg, it was time for forge ahead. As each mile passed I got more excited about the thought of what I was going to accomplish.
Then before I made it to my halfway point I had a very nice moment. I was sitting on one of the benches at the overlook before the Big Savage tunnel enjoying a snack and a water break. A woman that was having a picnic lunch with her family came over and long story short invited me to enjoy lunch with her family. This meant a lot because on holidays I really miss not being close to my family and it was nice to be a part of someone else's for a little bit. I enjoyed my lunch and the conversation, but then it was time finish my ride. I made it through the tunnel, past the Continental Divide and I could see the Deal trail head in my sights. I had made it. But me being the numbers person that I am I knew that the 25 mile marker was a little bit past the trail head so of course I had to get to that point. The emotions they were a flowing. It was a challenging tide up, between the incline and I was also going against a pretty good wind that day. But I did it!!!!! So I took a few moments to enjoy it and then it was time for the downhill ride back. I felt so great.
In addition to all the biking, I've also still been going to the gym, but not as much. Because of my busy schedule and trying to get more bike rides in I have been missing what used to be some of my favorite classes and nights. I honestly can't remember the last time I have been to a Booty Barre class. I really do miss it but I'm a little afraid to try it again. It is a booty kicker for sure. Hopefully I can get back into it real soon. I'm trying to have a very well rounded exercise routine, a little bit of this, a little of that....with a lot of biking. I'm really trying to incorporate a little bit of everything. The next thing I want to try....some yoga or pilates. I was doing some reading on people that bike that in different places I read that they also do yoga and pilates. Hmmmmmm....something to think about. I really can't see my body doing either very well, but like everything else, I need to keep an open mind.
I have to say I am feeling pretty great right now. Even with the weight gain that I have had I really haven't felt better. I feel like I am definitely on the right track for continued success and to become much healthier. While on one hand I know I would be happy if I never lost another pound, I know that I need to keep losing. I am still considered in the obese column and I know to live a long, happy and healthy life, I need get out of that column. I also know that with each pound lost I can get away from some of the problems that occur with being overweight. I know that things that I have in my family history and it makes me want to keep going. I also know that with each pound lost I can take off some more pressure off the the knees, and maybe just maybe be a runner someday.
What helps right now especially with the few pounds that I have put back on is all of the positive feedback I have gotten the last week or so. I have run into people who I haven't seen and the comments have been great. It really helps to hear to what they say. And there are those that I know that wouldn't tell me something if they didn't mean it. So they are really noticing the changes when I don't always. As I have said before, there are days that I look in the mirror and still see that FAT girl.
In the near future I need to get back to getting excited about the food. I have lost a little inspiration, so I need to get back into the kitchen and try some new things. So I need to take a little time to start looking up recipes, and get back into being addicted to pinterest again. There are so many great ideas. I also want to play more with smoothies and blended drinks. If I can get excited about the food again and not have the same old boring thing maybe that might help with the future progress.
In a couple of month I will finally be going home to Maine to see and spend some time with my family. I haven't been home for almost two years and I have so many mixed emotions about this trip. This journey has been all about me and becoming healthier and happier (which I have). I am just so nervous about the reaction of my family and friends back home. I hope they know that I am the same person, I just look smaller.
I could go on and on but I think I have hit the highlights since my last post. For the most part....work, gym, biking, eating, and sleeping.
Here's to making this blogging thing become more frequent again....I promise I will try.
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