January complete - CHECK

Today marks the end to the first month of the year and it has been a busy one and boy has it flown by.  Thirty-one days ago I started a continuing journey to a healthier me.  After an amazing year before, the final months of 2013 kinda fell apart.  I hit some rough patches, fell back into some old habits, and let some of the big weight loss come back.

It has been a month of ups and downs, laughter and tears, fighting the old habits, continuing the grow and learn more about myself.  I know that I am far from perfect, but I have learned over the last year that my flaws have helped to make me the person I am (both good and bad).  Take me as I am, no matter that number on the scale, or the size of my clothes I will always be the same (maybe with a few tweaks here and there).

A little recap on the month -

Soda habit - I have cut WAY back.  It was really tough in the beginning of the month after getting back to drinking it a ton.  I am down to one or two a week, which is a huge improvement to where I was a month ago.  I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to completely give it up, but it will definitely be very limited.

Emotional Eating - I have pretty much reconciled with the fact that this will never go away.  The key to this for me anyway is to try to keep myself occupied with other things and to surround myself with healthier choices and alternatives.  I am human and I will occasionally give into the trigger foods, but that is reality we are talking about.

Exercise - This has been an area that has always remained strong, even during those few month I gained some of my weight back.  No exercise is not an option for so many reasons - health-wise (physically and emotionally).  Exercise not only makes me feel better but makes me happy and can completely turn around an emotional day.  That being said, after making that calendar showing all of my classes and activity maybe (and I'm still not convinced) I am doing too much sometimes.  I can at least say that I getting a lot of variety and not just sticking with one thing.  As I see some people around me struggling and dealing with injuries I must be mindful of and listen to my body.  When it needs a rest, I need to give it one (as hard as it might be).  Exercise is such a key in this overall picture and not being able to do it would crush me for so many reasons.

Planning - This was one of the many reasons for my successes in the past and my downfall during the rough patch.  I find that planning truly keeps me in check.  Always knowing I have things ready to go, something in fridge prepared keeps me from going to the old "convenience foods" and fast food stops.  It really can be a lot of work but it is so worth it.

Weight  - After gaining back 29.4 pounds of the 102 I lost I have managed to lose 14.8 pounds this month.  The first three weeks were some pretty good numbers.  I chalked this up to getting back into the regular habits from last year.  It truly reminds me the difference that these changes made and why I was so successful.  The last week was a no move week.  I was eating a lot more in that week (but at least healthier).  I know that if I want to lose weight I have to enjoy some of these higher calorie (but nutritious) foods in moderation.  This may also mean going back to logging food into my journal for awhile, but I'm not sure about this yet.  Need to think about it some more and see how the next few weeks go.  While that number on the scale is important (I still do not have a goal weight because I have not been this small in SO many years, it would be really great to see that first number start with a "ONE") I have come to realize it is really a pretty small piece on the big picture. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few days I haven't been feeling myself.  One of my ears is clogged up and it is throwing me off, my equilibrium, my balance.  I tend to have issues with wax buildup, I'm really hoping this is what it is this time.  I'm going to to try to loosen this up and hope that this helps.  If this isn't what it is as much as I hate to  I will need to go to the doctors and get it figured out.  I definitely can't be dizzy during classes, I'm afraid I will hurt myself.  Twice during my Thursday night classes I felt like the room was spinning which didn't feel good at all.  It happened again this morning in Combat class.  I fought through it and just have to hope it goes away in the next few days.

Today brought the end of the two fitness challenge calendars I was doing.  Man, what a month.  Let's start with "The Shrinking Jeans Squat and Push-UP 31 Day Bootcamp"...WOW.  From day 1 doing 24 squats and 10 pushups to finishing day 31 with 150 squats and 90 pushups, what a difference a month makes.  I do lots of squats in my Body Pump class at the gym but these were so much different.  Since I didn't have weights I felt like I could really focus on the technique of my squat, really drop it low, and get the most benefit out of it.  I feel like this has also helped me in class.  I do my squats so much better now, and yes it sure does help with the ass.  I know I can't see it because it is behind me, but the shadow following me doesn't seem so big anymore...lol.  As far as the pushups, these have always been a weakness of mine, I never had the upper body strength.  In the course of the month I went from doing them all "girly style" on my knees to mixing up a a combination of "girly" and full pushup.  My arms just feel so much stronger.  For the "Well Girl Challenge" this was a mix of a lot of different exercises, some of which I had never done before.  Some days were difficult.  I would say my hardest of these exercises was the Plank & Row.  I couldn't do them the way they were intended, I had to modify, but at least I did them.  My first thought was to just skip them all together but I knew I had to do what I could.  I really enjoyed the overall body workout with this calendar.  I have tried to do fitness calendars before so gun-ho on doing them but then would always give up a quarter to halfway through.  I am so proud of myself for sticking with both of these on top of doing my regular classes at the gym.  There were some night that it was tough.  But what a feeling to be able to check off each day (I even gave myself a start for each day finished).

 Today reminded me of one thing I really need to work on....accepting compliments.  I've never done this very well.  One of the ladies I work with today told me that I looked so slimming in my jeans.  My response - "well I don't know about that, need to do a lot more, but thanks".  I really need to learn to accept them not add my own commentary.  I am truly a work in progress and that also goes for the way I look at and think of myself.  Even with the weight loss some days I still see that fat girl in the mirror.  I really have a hard time seeing the progress.  I do though believe I have gotten much better and am not nearly as hard on myself as I have been in the past.

As I begin a new month I will take the things I have learned, adjust the things that need to be, and move forward.  Learn from the past, grow from the present, and move forward into the future.

Here's to a fabulous February!!!

Demo and Dine Night/Hospital and Community Resources

Tonight was the third installment of the first series of WMHS's Demo and Dine.  Hosted by Brenda (one of the many great dieticians on staff at the hospital - I met her while taking Change to Win, and she is great) and Chef Pete (a chef at the hospital) this is great mix of cooking, tasting, knowledge, and even some fun.  This was originally scheduled for last November but had to be cancelled and was rescheduled to tonight.  Tonight's focus was on using more fruits and veggies in your meals.  After the first two, I was pretty excited about this.  I remember the first was eating healthy on a budget I think and produced a chili recipe that I have since tried at home (and love).  The second night was all about fish (the menu is above on the flyer).  I will be the first to admit I have always tried to avoid fish.  While I have always loved seafood (lobsters, clams, shrimp, scallops, and even crab - since moving to Maryland), fish has always been something I turned my nose up at.  Every time I thought about fish I would think about the stuff that Dad would catch and bring home to clean.  The smell along made me want to stay as far away from fish as possible.  Fortunately in the last year I have given fish a second chance and overall it hasn't disappointed.  I haven't yet made anything yet I had that night, but I definitely plan on it.  The tilapia and salmon was awesome.  Knowing how to prepare the fish is half the battle.

Anyway, back to tonight...fruits and veggies (loved these posters that Brenda had up)

First course - Two Bean Soup with Kale.  While I have tried both Kale and beans I really don't eat them both very often.  I have steamed Kale before and also Kale chips...have enjoyed them both.  As far as the beans,  I have added beans to my salad before and had the black beans in that chili I was talking about done in a previous demo and dine.  Both are things I would like to add into my diet more, I just need to find new ways and recipes to use them.  This is also why I enjoy the demo and dines.  I can always look at a a recipe and think "that looks really good" but then I usually don't try it because I'm afraid I won't like it.  Trying a recipe and liking it makes me more apt to actually make it myself.  I know I need to take more chances and try new things and recipes...something I need to work on.  Anyway, back to the soup.  It was awesome.  Loved the flavor, and the kale and beans gave it a nice consistency.   Two-Bean Soup with Kale (My Recipe)

Second course - Vegetable Quesadilla/Garden Fresh Tomato & Avocado Salad.  While I have always enjoyed quesadillas usually it involves chicken and or steak, maybe some veggies, and of course lots of cheese.  With that usually comes lots of sour cream too.  Tastes great, yes....but maybe not the healthiest.  What was made tonight was a great and healthier alternative.  Made on a whole what tortilla, it was filled with red pepper, zucchini, yellow squash, red onion, and mushrooms.  A great mix of veggies.  Combined with reduced fat cheese and some spices, this was a great overall flavor.  Honestly I didn't even miss there not being a protein in there.  This could easily become a "Meatless Monday" meal.  With it was the salsa.  I will tell you I am scared of avocado and honestly I've never really given it much of a try.  The only time I have ever had it was in a guacamole (and I didn't like it).  For that reason I just assumed I wouldn't like them and have never tried them since.  This salsa might make me rethink this.  I really enjoyed it, and it went well with the quesadilla.  This will definitely be made again...I could even see this being something I do for Super Bowl Sunday.   Vegetable Quesadilla (All Recipes)
Garden Fresh Tomato & Avocado Salsa (Meal Makeover Moms)

Third Course - Pasta Primavera and Sweeeeet Brussels Sprouts.  While I have always loved pasta I would have never thought to add lots of veggies to it.  Any veggies I had would usually be in the jarred sauce.  I would occasionally add broccoli or peas to my chicken alfredo but that's about it.  This was a great mix of pasta and veggies (asparagus - my first time trying, carrot, snow peas, and onions).  As great as this was and tasted it makes me think that I could really play with this recipe and add so many other veggies to this - whatever may be in the fridge at the time).  Then, there was the brussel sprouts.  While others there tonight have never tried them before, I must say this is one of my favorite vegetables.  No matter what you do with them, you can't go wrong.  I was intrigued with this recipe, given the addition of bacon and maple syrup.  But I must say....YUM!!!  While roasted will probably always be my favorite way to make them, I think I will trying them at home this way again.
Pasta Primavera (My Recipes)
Sweeeeet Brussels Sprouts (Meal Makeover Moms)

Last but not least dessert  - Gingersnap Pumpkin Custard.  Anyone who knows me knows I pretty much love anything pumpkin.  Between the gingersnaps, pumpkin, and walnuts I was happy.  A great sweet treat but I didn't feel like I was overindulging.  Will definitely be adding this to my pumpkin recipe catalog.
Year-Round Gingersnap Pumpkin Custard (Well-Fed Heart)

Overall, a wonderful evening, great food.  So happy they are continuing this Demo and Dine thing.  There are three more scheduled for February, March, and April and I have already signed up for them all.  Well worth the $15 per class (or $40 by doing all three). 



This now leads me into the second part of my title.  I don't live in a small town but I wouldn't consider myself being in a huge metropolis either, but I must say I am so impressed at what my local hospital does with their programs involving health, wellness, and the community.  I'm so glad I was introduced to these things. 

For me, this all started after being put on my blood pressure meds.  I asked my doctor to refer me to a dietician because it was time to start taking better care of myself, be healthy, maybe lose some weight.  I have said this before but I believe this next meeting was what I call "divine intervention".  I had an appointment with one of the dieticians at the hospital, Theresa Stahl.  After an hour appointment I felt like I had learned so much, got some great ideas, tips, a list of tasks and goals, and lots of information.  During this visit, she informed of this class that the hospital offered.  It was called "Change To Win".  A ten week class going over different topics on nutrition (below is an old flyer, and a picture of Theresa and I taken for a testimonial I was asked to write up for the hospital.  I took this class three times.  In the 30 weeks that I took this class I lost over 60 pounds.  The class covered so many great topics on general nutrition and gave you great tools to want to learn more.  The bonus, you paid $60 dollars for the class, but if you attended 8 of the 10 classes and lost 10 pounds during the ten weeks, you got $50 back.  Now, that was a great incentive.

While taking the class I learned of more things that were offered through the hospital.  I went and took part in a grocery store tour.  Another dietician at the hospital would give you an aisle by aisle tour of the grocery store giving you pointers, suggestions, things to look for, learn about reading labels, things to avoid.  This definitely made me think more about what I have since and continue to put into my grocery cart.  What a valuable resource.

Then there is Mile Movers.  Every month you get a tracking card, keep track of your steps, turn them into the hospital and be entered into a drawing to win a $25 gift card.  A few times every year they offer special challenges, with some bigger monetary prizes.  Nice that not only are you getting exercise everyday but getting your steps in, but you could also win money...nice.

During the third time of taking Change to Win, the hospital decided to start a Weight Management Support Group.  I was hesitant about this, but thought I would go check it out and see what it was all about.  Another great decision.  I think the group started last February and I am still going.  It meets twice a week and is led by a great team of health and wellness coach at the hospital and a team of dieticians.  Each group meeting brings a new topic along with honest and open discussion from members about their successes, struggles, and things in general.  It has really become a place where I can be completely honest about my journey.  I have met some of the greatest people in the last year that I truly call friends.  Each meeting I not only look forward to hearing new information but seeing the "regulars" and also welcoming new people is so much fun.

After starting going to the support group, I decided to make an appointment with Carey, the health and wellness coach that leads the group.  The hospital offers this service to meet with her, sit down, figure out what you need to work on, and come up with goals.  She then keeps in touch with you seeing how you are doing and checking in on your where you are and how you are doing with what you had discussed.  I must say, a great help.

Some of these programs and services at the hospital and free and available to all members of the community.  Honestly I never knew that any of these things existed until that first meeting with Theresa.  I really don't know what your area has or offers, but if you have a hospital in your area I would say it is definitely worth checking out.  You just never know what opportunities and programs might be out there for you to help you.  This was and continues to be a tremendous help to me in my journey. 

Go out there and check our your surroundings in the community around you.  Who knows what you may find.

Week 4 Results

Well, week four has come to an end and there is nothing new and exciting to report with my weigh in.  The scale didn't move this week (up or down - check out numbers page).

I could be bummed about this but after losing 14.8 pounds for the first three weeks I guess I was due for a week like this.  The old me would be beating myself up, analyzing and criticizing everything I did wrong during the week.  No more! 

I'm actually quite pleased with my week, been eating pretty healthy.  There were a couple of throw away meals, but overall very good.  I definitely haven't been watching my calories which I might need to do a better job with if I want to see the scales move.  Ultimately, the scale is not the biggest factor for me like it used to be.  Feeling better and healthier is so much more important these days.  Would I like to see a smaller number on the scale, of course, I would be lying if I said no.  That being said, I realize that there is so much more to life than that number.  Even as a "fat" person I never let that number define me.  No matter my weight, no matter my size, I have to love me for ME.

Exercise is going great, missed a few of my normal classes because of other things that I needed to do, but going strong on my two fitness calendars.  With only two days of the month left to do, I know I got this.  I have always started these fitness calendars in the past, but never finished one.  I'm pretty excited about this.  That third set of 25 pushups and 44 squats was killer.  Thank goodness tomorrow is a rest day on the calendars before that final killer day.  I really have to try to break up everything on Friday and stretch it out during the entire day otherwise the evening will be really tough to do it all.

In the coming week I will try to be a little more mindful of the calories, but not dwell on it.  I'm also hoping the temperatures start to warm up a little it.  I want to get out there and start walking more, in hopes to start working on trying to jog a little bit. 

This journey is not a sprint, but a marathon.....this is just the beginning of a long road to a happy and healthier me.

Since My Last Post...

Friday's normally begin with 6AM Combat class, but since I had a early doctor appointment there was no way I could do class and make it to my appointment on time. Bummed because this is always a great way to start the day, let alone a Friday.  So on my way to my appointment, my cell phone rings and my appointment got cancelled because my doctor was under the weather.  Uggghhhhh!  Oh well, maybe it was a good day to take a rest day, well sort of.  I still had my calendars exercises.

Lunch was my weekly day out for lunch with the girls.  It was fast food, and had a soda (diet) but the first time I have had fast food in over a week.  If this only happens once a week, I will be OK with that.  What I am going to try to do is print off the menus and nutritional information on the all the places in my areas.  This way no matter where we go each week I will the tools to try to pick the best choice possible. 

Friday evening brought the end of a busy work week and the start of the weekend....aaaaahhhh.  I really didn't have any plans for dinner.  There were some leftovers in the fridge from the week of planning meals but this evening I was craving a burger and fries.  My first thought, just stop and pick it up.  Then I thought why not make it myself.  So I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up a few things I needed to make this dinner happen.  Homemade burger with cheese, lettuce, and tomato, baked potato wedges, and roasted brussel sprouts.  I might have eaten a little bit later than if I would have stopped and picking something up, but it was so worth the extra time and I felt so much better about the meal I was eating.

Saturday morning was a two class day at the gym...Booty Barre and Body Pump.  Always a great combination.  Even better, getting there early and having a great conversation with friends.  Two hours later, a great workout, and a fabulous burn.

I didn't make the time for breakfast Saturday, but lunch and dinner were both made at home.  For lunch I made a couple of english muffin pizzas (with the leftovers from last Sunday).  For dinner, I had some leftover chicken breast, some of the potato wedges from last night, and some mixed leftover veggies.  The good thing about eating this stuff on Saturday, cleaning out the fridge to get ready for a new week and not throwing away and wasting food.

Sunday I missed my regular day at the gym because I was out of town.  I also don't do well with eating when I am out of town.  I didn't do breakfast or lunch which I know is a huge no no.  I need to put some snacks in the car or take some fruit with me to get something in my stomach to keep the fire burning.  On my way back into town I was going to pick up some groceries but I figured I would wait until I got home and do it later in the afternoon.  By the time I got home, it was snowing pretty good so I didn't get back out.  So, I really don't have a game plan for the week.  Fortunately when I stopped Friday night to get stuff for my homemade burger and fries I picked up a couple of extra things.  These things will help me until I can pick up some other things.  Let's hope I can make good decisions in the meantime.  Luckily when I have my rescheduled doctor's appointment on Monday morning I will be going by the grocery store.  I can stop and make a nice salad at the salad bar.

I thought about going out for a walk in the snow but I was feeling pretty tired from the weekend.  I did manage to get my calendars exercises in.  Boy, this last week is gonna be tough.  I really need to try to spread these out during the day.

I spent part of my afternoon making a new tab at the top of my blog (titled EXERCISE CALENDAR).  I thought I would use this calendar to document my fitness during the month.  After I finished it I was like WOW...I do take a lot of classes.  I can't believe I am saying this, but maybe I need a rest day more often.  But I really enjoy exercise and the way it makes me feel, both physically and mentally.  Especially at this time of year I really truly think that I would need to be on a anti-depressant if I didn't exercise.  I think in the coming months I need to take a look at my schedule and maybe make some adjustments especially if I want to start working in walking more and starting to work on preparing for a 5K later in the year.  I am so blessed to have a healthy body, minus the occasional aches and pains and popping and creaking joints.  I know so many that have issues and can't do what I can do.  For that I am so thankful.  That being said I need to be mindful, continue to listen to my body, know my limits, but still continue to push myself, try new things, (and yes, maybe even run).

Being a snowy and cold afternoon I was really wanting some comfort food.  I looked in my pantry and freezer and found what I needed to satisfy my want.  Some noodles tossed with homemade tomato sauce that I had in the freezer, a grilled chicken breast topped with sauce and some reduced fat mozzarella, and a nice side salad with a new vinaigrette I found hiding in my pantry that I had been wanting to try (Strawberry).  YUMMY!!!

As I look forward to the week ahead, I see some challenges ahead, but I also see some moments for some great potential.  My biggest goal for the week ahead it to try to keep the emotions in check, continue to make conscious and healthy choices, work my ass off when I am in the gym, and keep moving forward.

Message from my Dove dark chocolate tonight (perfect)!!!  Love those moments...

Here's to a great week ahead.

Thank Goodness For The Gym

Yes, I love the gym...never did I think I would say that.  I would almost say that I am addicted...but what a wonderful addiction to have.  It is a place I look forward to going to each day.

From the first day I walked through that door, I was welcomed with big smiles and open arms.  I remember that first day like it was yesterday.  I was so nervous.  I had heard horror stories from people that were overweight (most less than I was) that told me that they hated the gym because people treated them like they were inferior.  I am so happy that I have never felt that way.  I have come across and have interacted with so many people, each one so friendly. 

Through the ups, down, struggles, successes my gym family has been there for me every step of the way.  I would not be where I am without their love, encouragement, and support. 

On great days, the gym makes them even better.  On tough days, the gym improves things greatly.

Today was one of those tough days.  It's been a really busy week, I haven't been sleeping that well, and there were some things that were upsetting me today.  There were moments this afternoon at work that even tears started flowing.  Thank goodness my desk is in a corner and I am back to my office mates.  It's amazing how I blow things out of proportion and let silly things get to me...I'm sure the lack of sleep played a great part in this emotional afternoon.  Visions of a fast food lunch were in my head, but fortunately I had packed a healthy lunch of salad with grilled chicken and some strawberries.  

At one point during the afternoon I had logged onto the website to sign up for my gym classes.  I was seriously considering canceling both of my classes for the night.  I just wanted to get out of work, go straight home (with more than likely a stop somewhere for a very unhealthy dinner), and crawl under my heated blanket and hide.  As I sat there and went back and forth in head on reasons to cancel, I kept thinking...NO, I can't do that.  The gym is exactly where I need to be.  So I didn't cancel, went about the rest of my work day, and got changed into my gym clothes. 

On the whole drive to the gym I kept thinking I am going to stop somewhere for dinner after class and have something completely bad for me.  Being an emotional eater, this is something I used to do quite often on those rough days.  I was thinking of all of the places on the way home and which one I would stop at and what I would pick up.

When I got to the gym it was a little early and class didn't start until 5:30.  I thought I would go stand in the hallway and wait.  As soon as I turned the corner, I noticed in the hallway my friend Gloria.  She greeted me with a smile.  No matter what the day held I couldn't help but smile back at her.  She could tell that I was having one of those days.  As we started talking I completely forgot about what had been bothering me and weighing heavily on my mind.  Aaaaahhhhh, thank goodness. 

Then I went into class and the instructor came up to me and gave me some literature on 5K training.  That was so very nice of her to do, and to think of me.  I couldn't help but give her a hug (thank goodness I wasn't sweaty yet...lol).  Thank you Karen!!!  She is just one of the most amazing group of class instructors at the gym.  They are so supportive, push you to want to do better things, and just make that hour so much more than just burning calories.

Two hours later (Booty Barre and Body Pump) I was sweaty, but feeling great.  A nice burn for the evening:

My previous thought of picking something up for dinner was still there but I decided it would be much better to go home and have dinner.  I had a few options, but since it was a really cold night and I needed some comfort food I chose something that wasn't a horrible choice. - tomato basil soup and a grilled cheese.  Very warm and hit the spot.

What could have been a disastrous (and calorie filled) night was turned around by a great evening at the gym...thank goodness!!!

A little bummed that I have to miss 6 AM Combat class tomorrow morning because I have an early doctor's appointment, but someone very wise reminded me that it is OK to take a day off once in a while.  I guess tomorrow is that day (well, minus my calendar exercises of course). 

Happy that tomorrow is Friday and the weekend is just around the corner.   :)

Week 3 - The Numbers Are In

Week three brings another awesome number on the scale.  This morning when I stepped on the scale it said 240.8 pounds (picture is on my numbers page).  This gives me a 5 pound loss for the week and a total lost of 14.8 since the beginning of the year.

I was pretty surprised at my number this week.  I figured it would start getting smaller and things would start getting back to the normal 1 to 2 pounds a week.  It really goes to show just how much CRAP I was putting in my body over the last couple of months.  I feel pretty good about what I have been putting into my body.

I have yet to start logging my food again on My Fitness Pal.  I have just been logging my exercising and weight.  I have been debating back on forth on if I will start doing it again - I'm not sure.  After a year of doing it, I feel like I have a pretty good gauge of what I am eating.  I'm also not so sure calorie counting is for me anymore.  I think I am at the point where as long as I am eating the right things, the calories aren't as important, especially when putting in the exercise.  I think the key for me now is putting the right "fuel" into my body and "fueling" at the right times to get the most out of my calorie burn and to keep that metabolism revved up.  That being said, for those of you that are just beginning I would totally recommend keeping a food log or journal.  I think it is an amazing tool to help you see what you are eating, where you need to make adjustments, see areas that need improvement (like more fruits and veggies, or reducing your sodium intake).  I would also suggest also keeping track of your feelings and emotions in your food log.  It will really help you see what certain moods or feelings do to your eating habits.  When I did this, I found that I tend to go for the bad stuff when I am feeling down or stressed (I think we all do).  It gave me the opportunity to look for other ways to fight the emotions.

I was asked today if I am depriving myself, if I was getting enough to eat.  The funny part is, I feel like when I am eating healthy I am actually eating more food.  Along with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I am usually getting in two to three snacks a day.  At the end of every meal I feel satisfied, and I am not going to bed hungry. 

I'm pretty happy with the last three weeks.  I feel like I am definitely headed back in the right direction.  I am feeling and seeing a difference in my body again, where I was before I started picking the weight back up.  I was lying in bed this morning feeling my arms, side and stomach.  The guns, they are a forming...lol (thanks to classes and this pushup challenge).  I know I've got some abs in there under that fat and I can feel them getting stronger.  Whether I will ever be able to see a "six pack" ever, who knows....but as long as I keep eating well and putting in the work, my core will definitely get stronger.  And I have realized through this weight gain, that a strong core is a key and advantage to helping in so many other areas.  If you build it, the rest will come.

I've been hit or miss trying to reach my 10,000 steps a day.  I need to work on trying to reach this every day.  I'm hoping once the weather starts to warm up a little I can get back outside for my short walks during the day at work.  Those were always helpful, a nice break away from the desk, and a chance to clear the brain and refresh. 

I'm still working on my to do list (from my Let The Work Begin post).  I'm making progress but it is slow going.  There hasn't been a whole lot of extra time, but I need to get these done.

So for now, basically just keep doing the same things, make little changes and tweaks where needed, continue to be positive and forgive myself for the slip ups when they happen.  Rome was not built in a day, and neither am I.  I am in marathon mode and it is just the beginning.

Here's to another successful week with good choices, great exercising, and some time in there for some fun.

A Snow Day

The morning started when the alarm went off at 5AM.  Well, it actually started earlier than that.  I really had a rough night in the sleeping department.  A very rare thing for me these days.  I had been sleeping so well, but the last couple of nights have been broken up.  Hopefully, tonight will be back to the dying as soon the head hits the pillow.  Normally Tuesday means getting up and heading to the gym for 6 AM Body Combat class.  With impending weather I wasn't sure if I would make it or not.  So last night I stayed at the gym and took combat class last night.  This made for a long evening at the gym.  There is this new class at the gym called Fusion.  It is combination of both Body Pump and Body Combat (which I love both).  I really wanted to give this a try, but the only problem is that the class is on Monday's at 4:30 in the afternoon.  My work day doesn't end until 5.  But I told myself if I put in a really productive day I would sneak out early and try the class.  Unfortunately the class instructor was sick so the class got changed to just Body Pump.  I debated on canceling, but I thought why not still go.  So I did Body Combat, then Zumba, and then added Body Combat to my evening.  I was feeling pretty tired during Combat and my knee was starting to bother me.  Probably not the best idea for a three class night, but I powered through.  Luckily it was a day off on my fitness calendars.

So anyway, back to this morning.  I figured if it wasn't snowing yet I would head to class.  I got up out of bed and looked out the window....yup, snow.  So I turned on my heated blanket and got back into bed.  The office wasn't opening until 10 AM, so I set my alarm for 8 AM and went back to sleep.  I got up, still snowing but not too hard.  I put on some clothes and decided to go out and check out the roads.  Nothing had been done to them yet.  Bad weather during the week always gives me such anxiety.  The Maine girl in me would never miss a day of work because of snow, but I get so nervous down here.  First I live off a main road that not much is done too.  I've gotten stuck before trying to get home.  Also, people down here and their driving make me so nervous.  There have been three occasions where I have almost been in an accident in bad weather because of stupid people.  I got ready for work, got my car cleaned off, and headed to work.  I didn't get very far and turned around.  I probably could have made it into work but it was the ride home I was worried about.  This is when I am envious of others.  Some people have family that will drive them into work.  Then others have others in their life to depend on if need be.  I always think if I was to get into an accident I neither have another vehicle or someone else I can depend on.  Better to be safe than sorry.  Definitely worth using a day even though I had a ton of work to do.  There is always tomorrow.

My first thought was to get my PJ's on and get back into bed but I thought why not make it a productive day at home.  Since I had some extra time I decided to make myself a nice breakfast.  I had some leftover ham, onions, and peppers from pizza the other night so I made a scramble with eggs and cheese.  Add in a whole wheat english muffin and a banana, and it was a complete breakfast.

After breakfast I thought I would get bundled up and take a walk out in the snow.  I love walking in the snow.  It is so beautiful and peaceful and gives me a chance to clear my mind and think about things.  Since I had the time, I figured why not enjoy it.  This also gave me a chance to try out a new app (Map My Walk) that I added to my phone.  I had heard about it and seen other people using it, it looked cool.  So I bundled up, put my boots on (I would have rather have worn my sneakers, but probably not a great idea), grabbed my IPod, and headed out.  What an amazing walk.  A little slippery out, had to catch myself a few times from falling, but a great workout.  My pace wasn't my best but I figured it might not be a good idea to push it, fall, and hurt myself.  I loved the app.  Each mile a voice would tell you your stats.  An hour and 15 minutes later, I put in just a little over 3.5 miles.  So I at least know I can walk a 5K....now I just have to work on the jogging/running part.  Still not sure I am ready, but I am going to give it a try.  I know I have great support behind me that will help and push me.

After finishing my walk I came in and did my two exercise calendars (84 squats, 51 pushups, 36 fly bridges, 36 squat row and tricep extensions, and 36 sumo squat and curls).  I really do enjoy these calendars.  I can really feel some strength in these areas that I am working and I can start to see changes (a very nice bonus).  I definitely want to keep doing these calendars.  I look forward to see what next month brings, try something different, or even do these again or put them in my fitness folder to bring out when I want to do it again.

Usually being home all day like this would mean lots of bad eating and snacking.  Fortunately, I don't keep stuff like that in the apartment anymore.  I gotta admit for a moment when I was out walking I thought the grocery store isn't very far away.  I could walk there, pick up some comfort snacks, and indulge on my snow day.  Luckily I didn't bring any money with me on my walk, and if I wanted to I would have to walk all the way home and then back out.  Nah....didn't need the snacks. 

After my shower it was time to make some lunch.  Even if I was home, I decided to stick with my plan.  So I made a great salad with some added chicken on top.  I also cut up some strawberries to balance out my lunch.

The rest of the day was spent doing some things around the apartment that I didn't have time to do over the weekend.  I also got to work on my to do list, read some of my book, and got online to catch up, clean up my emails, and search for some new recipes.

The weather (and the gym being closed) meant I could actually cook dinner.  No reheating leftovers which was very nice.  So I baked a chicken breast, a potato, and steamed some broccoli and cauliflower.  YUM!!!

Overall, a really great day.  I guess this day was needed as much as I wanted to be at and missed work. 

As I sit here this evening watching The Biggest Loser I am enjoying my snack of an apple, a clementine, and two pieces of Dove dark chocolate.  Tonight's episode is the makeover show.  I love this episode.  I always end up crying.  Then again I cry pretty easily...lol.  Tonight it makes me think of the shopping trips I have made since losing the weight, buying that first black dress (I hadn't worn a dress in years - let along one in regular sizes, not PLUS), getting out of the plus sizes, picking out lots of vibrant colors, and wearing more form fitting clothing.

This was me in my little black dress last October after losing 100 pounds for my 40th birthday.  I remember this day like it was yesterday.  I felt so beautiful, so sexy, and so proud of all of the hard work that I had done to get to this point.  This is a constant reminder of where I have come, the progress that I have made, but also gives me motivation to keep going.  The possibilities are endless and it is truly in my hands to make it happen.  Damn, I need a tissue...

Tomorrow is weigh in day for week 3.  What shall it bring.  I guess we shall see...stay tuned.

Sunday - No Longer A Day of Rest

Sunday - that day that at one time used to be a day of rest has now turned into one of the most pretty important days of the week.  This has become the day that I take some time to plan the week ahead (or try to - some weeks I do this better than others).  If it is a productive day, I feel like I have given myself what I need to make it a successful week in this journey.

The day started out at the gym.  Today's classes on the schedule were Body Pump followed by Zumba.  I really love this combination.  First in pump, I challenge my muscles with the weight training and get the body warmed up.  Another reason to enjoy it, I usually have time before class to catch up with people and socialize.  I remember when I first started the gym, I pretty much kept to myself, did what I needed to do, and then left.  Now I have met so many wonderful people I love to talk to everyone, catch up on how everyone is doing, and talk about things.  A year ago this month when I finally decided to try my first fitness class (after much trepidation) I met one of the most friendly, caring, supportive people.  We immediately struck up a conversation.  Today I am still in class set up behind her, learning so much from her.  I consider her such a blessing.  After all, she got me to attend my first Zumba class, and now I can't get enough.  After Pump class I went straight into Zumba.  If you read other posts you know how I feel about Zumba.  I could go on and on and on about it forever.

My bad this morning I ran out of the apartment and forgot to grab some fruit so I didn't have anything to eat before classes.  Big mistake!!!  Half way through Zumba I hit the wall, but I pushed through.  It was still a good burn day.

After leaving the gym I wanted to stop and get groceries so I wouldn't have to go back out later in the day but I knew that would be a HUGE mistake since I hadn't eaten.  I have done this before and this would usually lead to putting lots of things into my grocery cart that I didn't need, a lot of impulse buys, and a lot of convenience foods.  So I drove home and got some lunch.  I figured I would clean up some leftovers in the fridge from the during the week.  I found a chicken breast, some whole grain rain and some veggies.

Before I got into the shower I figured I better get my exercise calendar(s) done and checked off for the day.  I have started some of these calendars in the past but always had a hard time finishing, not necessarily because I couldn't do them, but I would just forget to do a few days and then give up.  I'm so proud that I have kept up with both of these.  Some days have been difficult not thinking about it until very late in the evening (but I still got them done).

Went to the grocery store and restocked the fruit bowl, picked up some chicken, stuff for salad.  Really haven't made a plan for dinners this week but I have enough on hand that I should make good decisions for the week ahead.  In the coming weeks I want to clean out my freezer and use things up.  While getting groceries I knew there would be football games on today.  In the "old days" that would mean ordering pizza and wings, making nachos, and getting frozen appetizers (mozzarella sticks, potato skins, pretzels, etc.).  I knew this was not an option today.  But I knew I could still enjoy some pizza but just in a different way (and much better for me).  Some whole wheat english muffins, pizza sauce,  reduced fat mozzarella, ham, onion, and different colored peppers.  They tasted great and filled that urge and craving without a lot of the guilt.

While watching football I was working on my some of my to do list.  As I look at the calendar and see that it is the 19th (man is this month flying by) I really need finish my goals for the year.  As I was working on it I got some serious anxiety.  On the top of my unfinished list is to train, enter, run, and finish my first 5K this year.  Like everything else I have never tried, I really have serious doubts.  I have never really been a runner and this scares me.  Can I do this?  Will I hurt myself?  Is my body ready for it?  So many questions.  Each day I think this is the day I need to start working on it but then I talk myself out of it.  My excuses include - I'm not ready, I need to lose more weight first, if I injure myself I will completely wreck everything I am working for, and the list goes on and on and on.  I really need to get over this fear.  I need to remind myself of all of the other things I have tried in the last year and know that I do this too.  I just have to do it right and everything should fall into place.  I CAN DO THIS!!!  I'm thinking I need to talk to somebody and get some help and perspective and come up with a plan.  Maybe with a plan, addressing my fears I will feel much better about it and can give it my all.  I found this and thought it was perfect:

My two weaknesses today - my water and fruit consumption.  Both tend to be difficult on the weekends.  While I am at work during the week I am constantly sipping on water (and heading to the bathroom...lol).  Add on the top of that the water I consume during and after my workouts and I don't have a problem reaching my ideal water levels.  On the weekends I get busy and don't think about until I get thirsty.  Maybe I need to get myself a special bottle for weekends and carry this around with me as a reminder.  As far as the fruit, fruit usually comes during the my snacking periods during the week.  I tend not to do a lot of snacks during the weekend, again because I just get busy and don't do it.  So while I am writing in my blog this evening I am getting in a couple of servings of fruit (a clementine, a few strawberries, along with a little treat of some dark chocolate).

I love these little Dove dark chocolates.  It gives me a little treat and sometimes offers up a pretty good message.  One of the ones I opened today was perfect:

There are always tough days, but I always try to bring sunshine to others.  You never know if that little bit of sunshine could make a difference in someone's life.

I will finish with the prayer that was in my devotional book for today.  A wonderful friend gave this book for this Christmas.  It is a daily book of devotions.  Each day of year - a bible verse, a message, and a prayer.  This has been one of the most wonderful gifts.  I feel like this has been a very important part in this journey and I look forward to each new day that it brings.

Saturday - A Day of Good Things

I remember when there used to be a time that weekend mornings were for sleeping in as late as possible.  That time seems like forever ago.  Never did I think I would be setting an alarm clock on weekends to go to the gym.  Add this to the list I never thought I would be done, let alone like doing.

I lingered in bed a little too long this morning after the alarm went off at 7 AM because the bed was just way too comfy.  Doing this didn't give me enough time to make some breakfast so this morning my breakfast was eaten on the go on my way to the gym.  Glad I keep some of these biscuits in the pantry for those mornings I need something very quick.  This did the trick and helped give me energy for my workout.

Man, it was so cold this morning.  I felt like I couldn't be bundled up enough.  There are SO many positives to losing weight but this has definitely been a negative.  I have found that I am a lot colder than I ever used to be.  I guess losing the equivalent of a young child will do that.  I'm really hoping at some point I will acclimate and my body will get use to it, but I have had people say that doesn't happen and that I need to wear layers.

Awesome workout at the gym this morning.  I have to say Booty Barre class is a constant challenge.  No matter how many times you do the same moves (with different variations on occasion) I never walk out that class thinking "now that was a piece of cake".  Maybe this makes me weird, but I kinda like that.  You would your legs wouldn't shake as much, or you ass and standing leg would get better over time, but NOPE.  That being said, I do see improvements.  Like this morning during some leg exercises I could feel like I could move it back further.  Also, the ab portion didn't kill me like it did two weeks ago (just to be clear, it was still tough - don't want anyone especially my instructor thinking it was easy...lol).  I definitely think eating better has a little something to do with it.  I also enjoy seeing the same "regulars" in the class.  You are not only getting a great workout in but it is a little like a social hour as well.  I have met some of the most friendly, caring, supportive people at the gym.  I am so blessed to be able to call them friends.  Booty Barre class was followed by Body Pump.  With this new release I've been able to pretty much keep all my weights the same with the exception of the shoulder track.  This one just seems tough.  Maybe it's because you've already given yourself a pretty good workout and it is near the end but wow.  I actually had to skip a few reps today.  I was getting ready to leave the gym after class when the 10 AM Zumba class moved from the smaller room into where Pump was.  I haven't done Saturday Zumba for awhile but I thought today why not.  I'm so glad I stayed. 

I then stopped at Subway on the way home and picked up some lunch.  I probably could have found something at home but knew this wasn't a horrible choice.  Oven roasted chicken breast on whole wheat, some baked BBQ Lays, and I cut up an apple.  This definitely hit the spot after that workout.

After lunch I decided to do my two fitness calendars because I didn't want to get to the end of the day (again) and have to do them just before bedtime.  Today was 72 squats (I remember a day when I hated these things but when I see what they have done for my ass, I have grown to love them), 45 pushups (still doing them on my knees, but I'm occasionally trying a few on my toes, much better but not there yet), 45 side lunges with an upright row, and 45 plie calf raises.  Phew...all of that was another whole workout in itself.

I decided to treat myself to a late afternoon movie at the mall.  Normally I would get a small popcorn and a small soda (which really isn't that small) and a box of Buncha Crunch to throw on top of my popcorn.  I haven't been to the movies for awhile so I really wanted to enjoy a little bit of popcorn.  I am thankful that the theater that I go do has a "kids" pack.  This is a little bit of popcorn, a tiny drink, and a fun size package of skittles.  The popcorn was yummy and I threw away the skittles.

After the movies I decided to walk the mall for a little bit (always a good way to add some steps to the day).  I did some window shopping for something I have been putting a lot of thought into.  I have wanted to get something to be a symbol for this journey and my successes.  I think I figured it out.  I look forward to sharing what it is when the time comes.  I then went into the book store.  One of my goals for the year (yes, still working on them, not finished yet) it to try to read more.  Part of this includes trying to add not only books for entertainment purposes, but also ones to learn more.  Today's purchase was about learning more.  First, I wanted to learn more about this whole blogging thing.  I have seen so many peoples pages that have all kinds of bells and whistles and I have no idea how to do all this.  Maybe in time I can prettier it up more.  I also picked up a book that I have seen before and thought I would like to read that.  Since starting this journey and going through my Change To Win class at the hospital I've been like a sponge when it comes to reading about health and nutrition.  There are so many things out there and it's interesting to see different takes on things.

After the mall before heading home I thought I will stop and pick up some dinner.  The weekends are always tough because you don't have the same routine as you do during the week.  I've always found it so easy to stray on the weekends.  I have read in so many places that those people that were able to stick with a plan and have a continued success in the weight loss department meant eating the same on the weekends as you would during the week.  Something I need to work on.  Anyway, back to this evening.  I sat in parking lot of a local fast food place.  What seems like forever, but probably only about 10 minutes, I sat in my car and had a battle with myself.  Go in, don't go in, go in, don't go in.  After the 10 minutes I left the parking lot without dinner.  I came home and had a bowl of tomato basil soup, a toasted cheese sandwich, and a clementine.  SUCCESS!!!   :)

Week Two and Then Some

It's been a few days since I have posted, so let's see, where do we start?

Wednesday (1/15) was my week two weigh in.  This week I lost another five pounds (my scale photo is underneath my numbers tab - I'm going to try to remember to take a picture every week for a visual).  My emotions were happiness and confirmation.  With the last few months of horrible eating, overindulgence, and lots and lots of soda drinking, it was nice to see that reducing these things greatly have made for a 9.8 pound loss in two weeks.  It reinforces where my struggles and weaknesses have always been.  It is something I know that I will always have to mindful of and that I can't lose focus or forget about.  This doesn't mean there won't be the occasional cheat meal, treat, or slip up...but instead of letting it spiral into months of bad decisions I will recognize what made it happen and try to prevent it from happening much more than it should. 

Lunch was another great salad - romaine, cucumbers, tomatoes, shredded carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, shredded cheese, and grilled chicken.  I really had forgotten just how much I have missed salads.  I love all the crispiness and crunchiness of the veggies.  All that extra chewing takes take and really makes me eat slower and savor each bite.  As much as I am enjoying the salads again I think I have to remember not to burn myself out.  I think I had gotten to that place before where I thought if I have any more salad I am going to turn into a rabbit.  So in the coming weeks I will need to come up some different lunch ideas, maybe some different ideas to add into my salad to make it completely different.  I've been trying hard to be sure to add more fruits each along with the veggies.  Along with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I try to throw in snacks at different parts of the day.  Some days get busy and I lose track of time so I try to consciously remember to walk to the fridge to grab some fruit, maybe a greek yogurt, or get into my snack stash.

Wednesday night at the gym is Zumba with Danny.  Zumba, how I love thee..let me count the ways.  I absolutely LOVE to dance and this gives me a chance to just let loose and the best part....it is actually exercising and I am burning calories.  The gym I go to has three different Zumba instructors.  I enjoy them all and don't ask me to pick a favorite because I refuse to do so but I must say Danny is freaking amazing.  He is such a great teacher.  I think what I love about his class is that is not what I would call a "traditional" Zumba.  It really is more of a dance class, lots of moving and jumping around, and yes even some occasional twerking.

Thursday (1/16) seemed like such a long day.  I'm struggling a little bit getting up a little earlier in the morning.  Tuesday and Friday's are the exception.  I find it so much easier to get up when I have an actual class at the gym in the morning.  Otherwise I tend to linger in bed until the last minute when I have to get ready for work.  I keep telling myself that the morning would be a great time to work on my two fitness calendars (especially since as the month goes on there is more to do and I will not be wanting to do it all late in the evening).  This is definitely an area I need to work on.  When I do exercise in the morning I feel so much better during the day.  I think the key is bedtime...I need to get there much earlier than I do, but I feel like my evenings are so short.  After working all day, then going straight to the gym.  A lot of evenings by the time I get home, shower and have dinner, it's 8 o'clock and beyond.  I have never been an early bedtime person and I'm not sure if I ever will be, but I am certainly going to try.

The evening at the gym brought double classes.  I enjoy Thursday night at the gym (if you are beginning to sense a theme, yes, I love going to the gym - who would have thought).  I know some may think I am crazy for doing both (although I am not the only one) I feel it is a great combination, they complement one another, and both work lots of different areas.  It truly is an all over workout.  After Saturday's shortened launch of the Body Pump class I was finally looking forward to doing all of the tracks.  They did not disappoint.  Man, that shoulder track was rough.  Through this whole process I have grown to love certain parts of my body, parts where I can really see some differences.  My shoulders are one of them.  I have a feeling after a few months of this, I am going to love them more.  Also, all of the overhead presses in the tricep track...phew.  This makes me think of one of my least favorite parts....my "bat wings".  While these may never go completely away, this has definitely got to help.  I love workouts when I see four digits...

Was feeling pretty good about the food part on this day.  Breakfast was a homemade breakfast sandwich and some fruit salad, and apple and some mixed nuts for a mid-morning snack, and another amazing salad and a couple of clementines for lunch.  Dinner I felt like was a huge victory.  By the time I left the gym it was late and my first thought was to just stop somewhere and pick something up.  This is what I have been doing for the last couple of months (sometimes, but rarely, healthy, and most of the time very unhealthy).  On the way home there are so many fast food choices which would be so convenient.  As easy and quick as this would have been I knew I needed to go home and have dinner.  So I fought the urge and waited to have dinner while I was home.  I had different leftovers in the fridge but I decided soup and a sandwich was quick, easy, and filling and perfect for that night.

The good part about these busy last couple of days was that I was worn out.  I have slept so amazingly the last couple of nights.  I have never been the best sleeper and have always had difficulties in this department.  Between having a hard time getting to sleep, to not being able to stay asleep, it has always been such a struggle.  A benefit for sure to all this crazy exercise and busy schedule is that my sleeping has improved by leaps and bounds.  These two night I truly died as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Friday (1/17) is an early start day for me.  When that alarm goes of at 5 AM my first thought is just roll over and go back to sleep.  But nope, get your ass up, time to go to the gym.  Something about 6 AM Body Combat just makes me want to get out of bed.  Even better this morning since I usually get there early before class starts I took my workout calendars with me this morning and managed to get them done instead of waiting until later in the day.  I was all warmed up before class started (66 squats, 42 pushups, 45 squat row and tricep extensions, and 45 fly bridges - the calendars are definitely getting harder as the month is going on).  As I look forward to the last day of the month all I have to say is WOW.

Most times when I have class this early I usually don't get to eat breakfast beforehand.  Sometimes I will grab a banana and eat on the way, but I forgot it this morning.  As I left the gym after class my stomach was yelling at me.  On my drive back home to get ready for work I thought I'll just stop at Sheetz and get something.  This was definitely a bad idea.  I think back to morning just a few weeks ago.  I would stop and get a breakfast sandwich (sausage and cheese on a croissant with butter) and a hash brown.  Not that that wasn't bad enough.  I would also get a big ole blueberry muffin and would eat this when I got to work.  I need to look it up at some point, but I can only imagine the calories between those three things.  It's no wonder I gained back 30 pounds...ouch.  Time is pretty limited getting home from class and then getting to work but I knew I needed to take the time to make something healthy and filling.  So instead of the above calorie fest I cooked breakfast (omelet, whole wheat toast, a banana, and a clementine).  YUM!!!

Friday's are lunch day out with the ladies at work.  It was my turn to choose where to go.  I could have picked something so much better but I really wanted to enjoy some fries after all the little successes I have had this week.  I had a grilled chicken sandwich, some fries, and diet soda.  This is the first soda I have had in a week.  I got to say it didn't taste nearly as good as I thought it would.  That is a very good thing.  Even better, I didn't beat myself up today about my choices.  A little improvement.

Finally the day ended and the weekend was here.  Friday night in the last few months would usually mean stop and pick something up for dinner (chinese, pizza and wings, and lot of other really bad things).  But I knew I had leftovers from my cooking on Sunday in the fridge.  So I came home and had chicken, brown rice, and some veggies.  Not only did it save me money but was also much healthier and way less calories than the alternative.  YES!!!

The weekend ahead brings gym time, getting things done around the apartment, maybe a movie, and working on my to do list. 

Here's to a weekend of good choices...

Remind to Be Kind

 As I sit here watching The Biggest Loser (which I love), I remind myself that even with the struggles the last couple of months I have worked so very hard, accomplished so very much, and have grown so very much as a person during this journey to being healthy.  I need to remember and remind myself of this daily when I encounter a bump in the road, have a stressful moment or day, or just struggle and sometimes lose a battle with my food addiction.  Rome was not built in a day and neither is the NEW me!  Each minute, hour, day, month contains a new challenge, success, failure.  They key for me is to learn from each and every moment and to try my very best not to beat myself up.

Monday reminded me that I need to give myself a break, it's OK once in a while to indulge in something you enjoy (even if it is food).  I struggle with this because sometimes it leads to continued indulging.  At work Monday we had a special lunch for everyone.  It was tacos.  I went back and forth and debating on taking my own lunch and having salad that day.  But then I thought you know it is very nice of the company to put together a lunch like this, people put time and effort into putting this together, and I think not participating is very rude and ungrateful.  So I had lunch.  I did really well, didn't overdo it and felt pretty good.  Then came my struggle...dessert.  There are a lot of things I can pass up and turn my nose up at, but then there is DIRT.  One of the ladies that works in the store made this (and trust me when I say this because I have had it before) and it is awesome.  I finished eating lunch and sat there for awhile going back and forth in my brain - nope, don't do it, yes - enjoy it.  After about 15 minutes of this back and forth internal struggle I decided to give in.  For the entire rest of the afternoon at work I thought "what did I just do?".  I have been working really hard in the last two weeks killing it at the gym and getting back to eating better.  I was worried that this would start another downward spiral like the "soda" thing did.  As the day ended and I was in the bathroom changing into my workout clothes I looked at myself in the mirror and started crying.  I hate that I am just so incredibly hard on myself.  Why do I let a little thing like having some dessert just push me to a place that I don't like to be in.  I keep telling myself I need to avoid any of these situation but then reality sinks in.  THIS IS LIFE!!!  There will always be these moment, these challenges, desserts that I maybe shouldn't have.  It's OK if I enjoy the occasional treat, and it's also OK if I decide not to have any.  I think of one of the ladies that used to bring things into the office.  If you didn't try it or eat it she would get upset.  I never understood why people have to be like that.  Anyway, after the tears stopped flowing, I got myself back together, got changed, I finished my work day and then headed to the gym.  A great working (and Zumba class at that) always makes me feel better, and the bonus it burns lots of calories.  I then came home, enjoyed a nice dinner (stuff that I had prepared in advance instead of stopping to get something), went to bed early and got a fabulous nights sleep.

This morning I got up feeling so much better.  The alarm clock went off at 5AM, I jumped out of bed, got ready and headed to the gym.  This month I am doing the Sisterhood Of The Shrinking Jeans Squat and Push-Up 30 Day Boot Camp as well as the Well Girl New Year New You Challenge calendars.  Every day I always wait until the end of the day to do them.  Some days this is a struggle especially after already putting in a pretty good workout at the gym in the evening.  So this morning I decided to take my calendars with me to the gym and do them before 6 AM Body Combat class started.  What a great idea...had plenty of time to do it before class started.  So when I left the gym at 7 I not only had finished my class but also my calendar exercises for the day.  I don't always get out of bed well in the morning but I love how I feel after getting in a morning workout.  I really need to try to do it more often.  I'm thankful that Combat class is at 6 AM.  I am so excited about going it makes it easier to get out of bed.

Work was a productive day.  Didn't do my own work but in the end it will be worth it when these changes happen and make things in my department so much better.  Hopefully tomorrow I can catch up on some of my things so I don't get behind.  So happy that year end is behind us and everything went well with the review today.  I work with and for some amazing people.  It's nice to be part of a great team and a well oiled machine.  There are so many out these these days that either can't find a job or are stuck in a job that they are unhappy with.  I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to work for the company that I do and enjoy the job that I do.  I can't believe this April will make 12 years (I was thinking it was 11 earlier today) since I made the big change of moving down here.  Through rough times, homesickness, moments of doubt...I know I definitely made the right decision.

Breakfast this morning was a homemade breakfast sandwich (veggie sausage, egg white, and cheese on a whole wheat english muffin) and a clementine.  For my mid-morning snack I had one of my bags of portioned out mixed nuts and a small banana.  Lunch was then salad (romaine, lots of veggies, and chicken) and some fruit salad.

On the second Tuesday of each month I get to leave work a little early and head to the hospital for my weight management support group.  I'm always a little bummed that I am missing my usual Tuesday night at the gym (Booty Barre followed by Body Pump) but I know it's definitely worth missing.  There will always be another class on another night (as long as I can get in).  The last group was back early in December so it felt like forever since going.  Man, I really did miss it.  It's just so great to see everyone and catch up.  Life and this journey wouldn't be the same without this group.  I guess I really have to thank that day in the doctor's office when my blood pressure was through the roof.  Without that day the number of events that were then set in motion wouldn't have happened.  From being referred to a doctor, getting put on blood pressure meds, asking to be referred to a dietician, meeting Theresa, taking Change To Win (three times), finding out the start of a new weight support management group, meeting Carey, and everyone that I have met in group.  I am beyond thankful and grateful for this group.  Between meeting and getting to know some pretty special people, learning lots of great things, getting some great advice and support...this group has been wonderful.

Since group ended before my normal evening at the gym, I was able to make it home earlier than usual, get dinner it at a decent time, and get some things done around the apartment, call my Dad, and enjoy some me time.  Glad I did some cooking on Sunday so I could quickly have dinner ready instead of picking up something and probably making a bad decision.

Finished the evening with a yummy apple and lots more water (which I'll be paying for as I am up a couple of times during the night).

Another day in the books, a good day, lots of great choices....feeling like I am definitely getting back the new me.